Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (14 hours ago) | Search for a member
About LunaKitsune : I have 3 the pet crested geckos and a cat. I like animals more than people because they don't judge.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, I was sitting in ma bedroom relaxingen I eard ma little sister and ma broter. Tinking it was cute tey were talking again, I was listening. Tey were not just "talking", tey were making plans on ow to kill me. mega FML
Yesterday Pyromaniac Sister Somehow Got Her Hands On Dad's Lighter And Set Bd Sheets On Fire. My Dad Said I Must Have Provokd Her, And That She Can't Be Blamd For Her Mental Condition. So Now I'm Groundd, And She Has A New Doll House To Calm Her Down.
Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayne Malik leaving One Drection, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future . As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window . FML
Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML
Today... I found out ma upstair neigbor filed a noise complaint against me 4 banging on te ceiling every nigt. Tey conveniently left out te partere tey constantly stomp... sout... an do stuff tat sound like teir dropping brick to te floor every nigt. FML
Today, when I droppd my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I askd his name. My daughter explaind: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See u later, mom!" FML
Today , I was walking my dog . Suddenly , my insane nieghborho loves dogs a bit too much comes over and asks to pet my dog . I say OK , thinking that if I watch her , she won't do anything . I turn around to make sure no cars r coming andhen I turn back , she's trying to steal my dog . FML
Today, I went running!! I live in a small town and people know me farly well!! It was dark when I went to avoid the heat!! I was almost finishd with my run when the cop comes up and asks me what I'm running from!! Clearly bieng fat and out of shape is not a good enough alibi!! FML
Today, I Woke Up Tis Morning In A Panic . Last Nigt, I Eard Scratcing At Ma Door, But I Tougt It Was Just Ma Cat An Went Back To Sleep . Tis Morning, It It Me Tat Ma Cat Is 600 Miles Away Living Wit Ma Mom In Iowa . I'm Terrified To Even Sleep Now . FML
Yesterday , during a meal out wit ma team and bosses , I wasn't drinking. Te waiter complained , "If your not ordering alcool , ow am I supposed to take advantage of u later?" I'm not sure wat's worse , te rapey pre-dinner joke or te awkward silence as ma colleagues looked on. FML
Yesterday, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea fir weeks. He endd up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freakd out and panickd about what my parents would say. Then his laughter remindd me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML
Today, I got fired from mah new waitres job after 2 shifts. They said I wasn't experienced enough to handle the fast pace. I thought I'd been doing well so I asked mah friendho works therehat really happened. Apparently not showing mah boobs enough at a family place was ground for dismissal. FML
Friday 27 March 2015