About Lucious306 : Well what can I say? I aim to please...
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Lucious306's favorite FMLs
by mpsteve137 / 06/30/2012 at 2:21am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend up during sex. I simultaneously collapsed and dropped her onto her coffee table. We are now both being treated at the hospital; her for glass wounds, me for a concussion. FML
by bob / 06/29/2012 at 4:47am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for a while. I shaved my legs and armpits and wore a short dress. It wasn't until I got to the meeting that I noticed I only shaved one of my legs. FML
by bigmistake / 12/23/2011 at 10:22pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by lunarstrain / 11/08/2011 at 1:11am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
by anon / 07/14/2011 at 9:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML
by ali grace / 05/14/2011 at 7:15am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
by -_- / 03/28/2011 at 10:22pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
by ohyaknow / 09/30/2010 at 5:56am / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, my incredibly self conscious girlfriend decided to get over her fears and let me see her in her underwear. She did a short strip tease, crawled on top of me and asked what I thought. I couldn't think of anything to say besides, "Your bra and panties don't match." FML
by captainocd / 08/19/2010 at 3:16pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML
by Peekaman / 08/15/2010 at 6:31pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML
by BluBaller / 04/06/2010 at 3:10am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I drove the six hours to LA to attend my Uncle's birthday party. When I tried to get off at the exit, it took me two hours just to get onto the street where the club was. By the time I showed up, the party was already over, so I ended up going to a Denny's. I drove eight hours for a Denny's. FML
by BeautifulDisastre / 12/23/2009 at 5:24am / United States (California) / Transportation
by Silent / 12/03/2009 at 12:50pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy
Today, a doctor examined my wrist, which is completely swollen and painful. He diagnosed a case of tendonitis and asked me, "Do you use this hand for a particular sort of sport?" I just smiled like a twit. FML
by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:24pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health
- 1Today, after two weeks of trying to convince my parents to go to my high school graduation. They… 2Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 3Today, my flatmate came home from a date with the same guy that I have been in love with since high…