About Lucious306 : Well what can I say? I aim to please...
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Lucious306's favorite FMLs
Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2012 at 2:34pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by blueballs / 09/13/2012 at 8:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was trying to pass a lady with a stroller, when she nearly fell. I used my ninja-like reflexes to catch her. Too bad my ninja-like reflexes didn't block the punch that she delivered to my fap-stick for apparently being a "pervert" for saving her. FML
by CaptainSaveAHoe / 09/10/2012 at 8:42pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML
by DrunkenShopper / 09/03/2012 at 1:24am / United States (Washington) / Money
Today, I was playing some CoD online, when I realised I'd started humming an annoyingly catchy Bieber tune. Before I could come to my senses and pull out my mic, a bunch of my teammates started sarcastically singing along. FML
by bieberyoulittleSHIT / 08/31/2012 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (York) / Geek
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
by checkup / 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Intimacy
by Username / 07/10/2012 at 11:27am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
by Concert Flatulent / 07/10/2012 at 12:44am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/08/2012 at 5:03pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm / Intimacy
Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML
by mommabuser / 07/01/2012 at 11:59am / Animals
by say my name / 06/30/2012 at 9:35pm / Intimacy
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
by pissed off / 06/30/2012 at 9:00pm / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/30/2012 at 8:31pm / Health