About Lucious306 : Well what can I say? I aim to please...
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Lucious306's favorite FMLs
Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML
by Sam l. / 11/10/2012 at 1:51am / United States / Animals
Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML
by Anonymous / 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML
by bastardchild_01 / 10/17/2012 at 2:22am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my 2 year anniversary with my boyfriend. As we were about to exchange gifts, he got a call and said he had to go home immediately. What was the emergency? His guild leader couldn't find another healer to finish a raid and promised my boyfriend gear if he would step up. FML
by Marie / 10/17/2012 at 1:16am / United States (Florida) / Love
by L / 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy
Today, while at a pool party, I found out the reason I got my new, white bikini at such a bargain price; it goes completely transparent when wet. I only realized this after everyone was staring at me and whistling. FML
by bargainshopper / 10/16/2012 at 7:28am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Miscellaneous
by wdunn69733 / 10/11/2012 at 10:30am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 10/08/2012 at 6:27pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Kids
by pimpdaddyX / 09/22/2012 at 12:22pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Love
Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML
by Grauncho / 09/22/2012 at 10:12am / United States (Illinois) / Animals
Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML
by minibuch1505 / 09/21/2012 at 7:31am / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister walked into my room, saying her boyfriend "forgot something." She then reached under my bed and pulled out a pair of boxers and a condom wrapper. Her response to my disgust was, "My bed was dirty." FML
by useyourownbed / 09/18/2012 at 4:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, after having lost 11 pounds following my pregnancy, I felt sexy and put on a cute outfit for my husband. When he walked into the bedroom, he ended up passing me three times, and then went to bed without a word. FML
Today, I was on a train. An elderly woman and her daughter got on, looking for a seat. The daughter suggested the one next to mine. The elderly woman looked at me and said something in Russian. I speak some Russian. She said she didn't want to "sit by the hooker." FML
by dearbailee / 09/18/2012 at 10:04am / United States / Transportation
Today, at school, a guy walked up to me and said I look a little too young to be at high school. I told him that I'm sixteen years old. He stared at my chest for several long seconds, muttered "What the fuck?" and walked off. FML
by wtf yourself, cunt / 09/17/2012 at 7:14pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…