Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Lone_Wolf_099

Search for a member

Lone_Wolf_099

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4216
  • Number of comments : 31
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

Lone_Wolf_099's page activity

Visits<b>1daniellarter</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 7:28am<b>sspence</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 2:24pm<b>shanekicksass</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 4:06am<b>hexo21</b> - the 03/30/2014 at 4:37am<b>plantaseedy</b> - the 10/11/2011 at 6:38pm

Lone_Wolf_099's FML badges

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

See all of Lone_Wolf_099's badges

Lone_Wolf_099's favorite FMLs

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question". Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML

#14326662
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34885) - you deserved it (6918)

On 12/24/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by snoozerlooser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

#14305984
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40875) - you deserved it (8676)

On 12/23/2010 at 1:36am - intimacy - by nemo518 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML

#14297992
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39437) - you deserved it (3759)

On 12/22/2010 at 12:56pm - misc - by screwed (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

#14294179
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18379) - you deserved it (5828)

On 12/22/2010 at 3:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML

#14208916
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37325) - you deserved it (3806)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML

#14190460
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40284) - you deserved it (9890)

On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML

#14169295
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31320) - you deserved it (7800)

On 12/11/2010 at 7:06pm - work - by stifledbyyou (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I participated in a charity auction at my university where the boys are "sold" to the highest bidder to be a slave for a day. My girlfriend and ex were bidding against each other. My ex won. FML

#14143329
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34596) - you deserved it (5096)

On 12/09/2010 at 2:58pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML

#14142147
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27283) - you deserved it (10432)

On 12/09/2010 at 12:15pm - love - by katy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

#14128362
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29301) - you deserved it (5407)

On 12/08/2010 at 3:46am - intimacy - by fishruinsex -

Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML

#14120118
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12357) - you deserved it (81642)

On 12/07/2010 at 1:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML

#14114390
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27715) - you deserved it (2177)

On 12/06/2010 at 11:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

#14110669
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24132) - you deserved it (9072)

On 12/06/2010 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I lied when my therapist asked why I preferred Tuesday morning appointments. It's actually because World of Warcraft is down for regularly scheduled maintenance. FML

#14034563
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10088) - you deserved it (33026)

On 11/30/2010 at 10:23am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

#13930948
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34043) - you deserved it (4631)

On 11/21/2010 at 10:42pm - animals - by dickwebs - Germany



FML's blog

  • Malec's illustrated FML
  • Life is like a box of chocolate full of piece of rabbit droppings sometimes, isn't it? OK, I'll admit that's a weird way to start an article a few days before Christmas. Let me explain: you try and get…

Friday 12 December 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: