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Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8559) - you deserved it (17640)
On 12/26/2010 at 12:59pm - health - by person - Jordan (Amman Governorate)
Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7509) - you deserved it (31022)
On 12/26/2010 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I gave my wife a $900 necklace as a special Christmas gift. She gave me a set of Star Wars pajamas. As it turns out, I was more excited to wear my gift than she was to wear hers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22041) - you deserved it (4087)
On 12/25/2010 at 2:31am - love - by ima nerd - United States (Alabama)
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question". Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27635) - you deserved it (5327)
On 12/24/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by snoozerlooser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML
I agree, your life sucks (34934) - you deserved it (7940)
On 12/23/2010 at 1:36am - intimacy - by nemo518 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32771) - you deserved it (2875)
On 12/22/2010 at 12:56pm - misc - by screwed (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13530) - you deserved it (4460)
On 12/22/2010 at 3:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
I agree, your life sucks (31062) - you deserved it (2976)
On 12/15/2010 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to speak Parseltongue to my vagina to "prepare the Chamber of Secrets for entry". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33596) - you deserved it (8036)
On 12/13/2010 at 12:35pm - intimacy - by Wisconsin love - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25520) - you deserved it (7174)
On 12/11/2010 at 7:06pm - work - by stifledbyyou (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, I participated in a charity auction at my university where the boys are "sold" to the highest bidder to be a slave for a day. My girlfriend and ex were bidding against each other. My ex won. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27198) - you deserved it (3911)
On 12/09/2010 at 2:58pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)
Today, my husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie. I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing. Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the first step on the road of domestic violence'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20833) - you deserved it (8016)
On 12/09/2010 at 12:15pm - love - by katy (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23425) - you deserved it (4772)
On 12/08/2010 at 3:46am - intimacy - by fishruinsex -
Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9271) - you deserved it (64126)
On 12/07/2010 at 1:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, while sitting on the bus a stranger sat next to me, farted, put his hand under his butt to smell what it was like, and then sniffed it throughout the whole ride while glancing at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22215) - you deserved it (1575)
On 12/06/2010 at 11:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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