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Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28074) - you deserved it (7095)
On 03/18/2011 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by emm (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I discovered that the lovely, hunger-inducing smell that's been lingering around the office lately is from the local animal crematory. I've been wistfully inhaling the stench of burning cats, dogs, and other various animals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25026) - you deserved it (4943)
On 03/18/2011 at 12:10pm - work - by B-rent - United States
Today, I swerved out of the way to avoid hitting a squirrel, and in the process hit another squirrel. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27399) - you deserved it (7594)
On 03/18/2011 at 7:28am - misc - by karmavictim -
Today, my father came over to my house. I realized there were condoms on the table, so I subtly moved a vase to hide them. He then gave me an unamused look and said "I know you have sex. You've been married for nine years. Grow the fuck up, dumbass." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14055) - you deserved it (64603)
On 03/17/2011 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26796) - you deserved it (3808)
On 02/10/2011 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, my mum got an electric car. It's so quiet that we could hear the bones of my cat break as we reversed over it on the driveway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46720) - you deserved it (6189)
On 02/10/2011 at 5:58am - animals - by flattened -
Today, I was walking in the park with my boyfriend of 3 years. He stopped and knelt down in front of me. I started to panic, then he told me to calm down, my shoe was untied. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24175) - you deserved it (9534)
On 02/09/2011 at 12:48pm - misc - by maddie! - United States (New York)
Today, I was told by my mom that I'm a terrible person because I won't help my brother get a girlfriend. He's gay, but won't tell her because he thinks it's hilarious when she yells at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27500) - you deserved it (3427)
On 12/27/2010 at 3:39am - misc - by Username -
Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8551) - you deserved it (17599)
On 12/26/2010 at 12:59pm - health - by person - Jordan (Amman Governorate)
Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7491) - you deserved it (30966)
On 12/26/2010 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I gave my wife a $900 necklace as a special Christmas gift. She gave me a set of Star Wars pajamas. As it turns out, I was more excited to wear my gift than she was to wear hers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21991) - you deserved it (4084)
On 12/25/2010 at 2:31am - love - by ima nerd - United States (Alabama)
Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question". Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27563) - you deserved it (5323)
On 12/24/2010 at 7:00pm - intimacy - by snoozerlooser (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML
I agree, your life sucks (33406) - you deserved it (6870)
On 12/23/2010 at 1:36am - intimacy - by nemo518 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32691) - you deserved it (2873)
On 12/22/2010 at 12:56pm - misc - by screwed (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13486) - you deserved it (4455)
On 12/22/2010 at 3:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Monday 20 May 2013
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