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Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21909) - you deserved it (3375)
On 05/02/2012 at 6:06pm - intimacy - by S12Sophia (woman) - France
Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21730) - you deserved it (3610)
On 04/23/2012 at 12:04am - love - by gottalovefriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I realized that both my husband and son refer to me as "the bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13727) - you deserved it (17605)
On 04/22/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by stoggie96 - United States (Ohio)
Today, my husband drew a penis on every one of my cigarettes. It's a new pack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5776) - you deserved it (45583)
On 04/21/2012 at 11:15pm - misc - by Jenn P (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5076) - you deserved it (33442)
On 04/07/2012 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my wife and I went to our friend's house to play some pool. While playing, a Cicada started to fly towards my face, so I flipped my pool stick over and swatted at it with the fat end of the stick. I hit the bug. However, with the skinny side I hit myself in the snow-globes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6141) - you deserved it (11849)
On 04/04/2012 at 10:50pm - misc - by Chris (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it's been in there for over 3 years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19672) - you deserved it (1295)
On 04/03/2012 at 11:27pm - animals - by Scarred (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15564) - you deserved it (6886)
On 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States
Today, I flew to Florida with my grandma. She tried to go through airport security with a pocket knife in her backpack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15276) - you deserved it (1177)
On 03/29/2012 at 12:19pm - misc - by yelyah - United States (Illinois)
Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10665) - you deserved it (2635)
On 03/24/2012 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, I realized I've been confusing scenes from The Lord of the Rings with American history. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5357) - you deserved it (15718)
On 03/24/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by Avery - United States (California)
Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19360) - you deserved it (2151)
On 03/14/2012 at 11:17am - misc - by S. Michaels (man) - United States
Today, I was working retail when a group of older gentlemen came in looking for a good sound system. I showed them a top-range system and gushed about it in detail, trying to close the sale. One of them snorted and said, "See Dave, girls like her are the reason ball gags were invented." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17742) - you deserved it (2502)
On 03/12/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by sandi519 (woman) - United States
Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up Tard Mode and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21401) - you deserved it (4320)
On 03/12/2012 at 12:27pm - love - by yamsterr (man) - United States
Today, I was discussing the possibility of other life in the universe with my friend. She said the universe isn't big enough for it to be possible, and that we would know about it already, because "there are only 8 planets in the universe." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19148) - you deserved it (1960)
On 03/11/2012 at 6:37pm - misc - by daninalani (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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