Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Llama_Face89

Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member

Llama_Face89

40Fucked!

Llama_Face89Llama_Face89
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 19 April 1989 (26 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4459
  • Number of comments : 1176
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About Llama_Face89 : KISS ME I'M IRISH!
Let's see.. My names Liam. Canadian and proud to be so!

Diehard Montreal Canadiens fan since I was a child and living just north of Boston. Makes hockey season interesting. >:)

Nos bras meurtris vous tendent le flambeau, à vous toujours de le porter bien haut.

Anything else I suppose you'll have to ask.

Also a giant nerd. Yea, I roll dice. Problem?

My Nissan will walk your Honda.

Llama_Face89's page activity

Visits<b>ohmissjane</b> - yesterday at 12:31am<b>ZoeeeGuyss</b> - yesterday at 11:15pm<b>johnjay40</b> - yesterday at 6:13pm<b>whitnayfortooh</b> - yesterday at 1:54pm<b>Steffi3</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 2:01pm<b>carllyo</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 7:19am<b>nityasomaiya</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 12:08am<b>lizgb80</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 7:03am<b>Malteser95</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 9:02pm<b>Exaspera</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 3:18pm<b>haylburg</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 11:27am<b>vlalam</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 6:17am<b>liquifiednate</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 4:35am<b>teapotrevolt</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 6:18pm<b>EnigMind</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 6:21am<b>bosfk</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 6:05am<b>planetliam12</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 3:17am<b>veganornah</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 1:32am

Fucked!<b>whitnayfortooh</b> - yesterday at 7:54pm<b>vlalam</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 5:08am<b>teapotrevolt</b> - the 05/21/2015 at 12:18am<b>NeyNeyDaDa</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 8:13pm<b>toshaleigh</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 10:44pm<b>phantomofmind</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 12:10am<b>amileah13</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 7:51pm<b>KayDee29</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 9:04pm<b>snarkytruth</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 7:37pm<b>Sansa</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 6:00pm<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 3:16am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 10:47pm<b>royr7395</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 2:43am<b>my_account_</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 7:59pm<b>buckdharma</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 12:03am<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 3:52am<b>aylamarie93</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 11:23pm<b>countryb_cth</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 8:58pm

Llama_Face89's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of Llama_Face89's badges

Llama_Face89's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex for us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML

#20978171
205 comments

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46023) - you deserved it (4844)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

#20967834
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62294) - you deserved it (4527)

On 11/23/2013 at 11:11am - misc - by I hate that game - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, I ended up talking to a homeless man and bought him a meal. In return, he hugged me and groped my ass. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

#20961988
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44647) - you deserved it (18032)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, I got my dad to fill in a questionnaire my teacher handed out on Friday. One question said "I would like to see my son/daughter ______." My dad wrote in the blank: "less often." FML

#20961005
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47598) - you deserved it (4125)

On 11/17/2013 at 3:27pm - kids - by :( (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

#20960837
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58255) - you deserved it (2700)

On 11/17/2013 at 12:46pm - misc - by failed brood mare (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope, and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

#20949272
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53057) - you deserved it (5539)

On 11/07/2013 at 5:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Derry)

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55947) - you deserved it (9579)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, while I was working, someone came in and attempted to purchase GTA 5 with a medical marijuana card. FML

#20892589
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38275) - you deserved it (3051)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:15am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57485) - you deserved it (9344)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my friends. At one point, I jokingly pointed out how one of them had the smallest boobs of us all. She calmly got out of the pond, dried herself, scooped up our clothes and phones, and drove off in her car. The cops she called arrived soon after. FML

#20861665
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22337) - you deserved it (65656)

On 08/31/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by criminal tit offender - United States (Alabama)

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

#20849812
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39207) - you deserved it (2792)

On 08/22/2013 at 7:50pm - work - by Awkward - United States

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

#20829558
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44307) - you deserved it (3177)

On 08/09/2013 at 6:53pm - work - by pardon my English :$ (woman) - France

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

#20816318
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51967) - you deserved it (11229)

On 08/02/2013 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whyeventry? (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



FML's blog

  • JT's illustrated FML
  • Hello everybody, how's it going? This week we're looking at the delicate art of getting along with your neighbours. If you've ever lived in an apartment building, you'll know that having people live…

Friday 22 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: