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Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22319) - you deserved it (1624)
On 12/21/2011 at 1:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6874) - you deserved it (32691)
On 12/19/2011 at 9:29pm - intimacy - by Colton (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25482) - you deserved it (4488) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23775) - you deserved it (4086)
On 12/16/2011 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by anne (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, the heating in my house broke down. I called my boyfriend and asked if I could stay at his place until I could get it fixed. He said no, and told me my overgrown leg hair would keep me warm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22015) - you deserved it (9526)
On 12/16/2011 at 3:11pm - love - by Anonymous - Sweden (Hallands Lan)
Today, I went to the doctor for a check up, having had a head injury a week ago and suffering some memory loss. Turns out, the medicine he gave me for my head has memory loss as a side effect. He then said "I told you. Don't you remember?" After I said no he said "I figured." and giggled. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21088) - you deserved it (1684)
On 12/04/2011 at 2:04am - health - by memoryloss (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I played Taboo with my boyfriend and my conservative family. It was my boyfriend's turn and his word was "cherry". His only clue to me was, "I popped your..." He was the only one who found it funny. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29743) - you deserved it (3718)
On 12/04/2011 at 12:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boss made me run yet another stupid errand. When I delivered the paperwork to his office, I saw an email printout on his desk. Apparently, he has a plan in the works to get me "FRIED" next month. I'm not sure whether to give him a letter of resignation or a bottle of barbecue sauce. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17889) - you deserved it (1698)
On 10/27/2011 at 12:15pm - work - by last literate - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14376) - you deserved it (8469)
On 10/12/2011 at 4:05pm - misc - by Nickname (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, while at Six Flags my boyfriend won a huge stuffed animal for me. After a whole day of carrying it around, when he dropped me off he told me that he wants the stuffed animal back. He just didn't want to carry it around all day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27410) - you deserved it (2349)
On 10/10/2011 at 9:56am - misc - by Username - United States (Texas)
Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39196) - you deserved it (2507)
On 10/09/2011 at 11:27pm - love - by DyingPlants (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my younger cousin bought his girlfriend of 3 months a bunch of flowers. The only flower I've ever got from my boyfriend of 3 years is a plastic one he found on the floor in a bar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17129) - you deserved it (2783)
On 10/04/2011 at 5:08pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9776) - you deserved it (27636)
On 10/04/2011 at 1:22am - love - by backtosquareone - Asia/Pacific Region
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27400) - you deserved it (8372)
On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25045) - you deserved it (2148)
On 10/02/2011 at 2:36am - misc - by Emmy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 20 May 2013
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