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Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13964) - you deserved it (4415)
On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my ex-girlfriend sent me an email. I was excited that she wanted to make amends for cheating on me before I dumped her. No, the email had a photo of her making out with the guy she cheated on me with, and the caption, "What you wish you still had". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21002) - you deserved it (1891)
On 09/08/2012 at 2:19pm - love - by max5 (man) - France (Aquitaine)
Today, I finally confronted my boyfriend and asked him if he was cheating on me. He got flustered and said, "Technically, I'm cheating with you, not on you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24362) - you deserved it (1762)
Today, I found my husband's journal, and along with it the real reason he took so long to show up to our wedding rehearsals last year. According to the journal, it was because he was too busy wooing a married mother of five and sticking his "slut-banger all up in that fat booty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21904) - you deserved it (1891)
On 07/20/2012 at 10:12pm - misc - by divorce? i think so (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. We were under the covers, and my little brother thought we were wrestling, so he got on top of the covers and started "wrestling" with us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10455) - you deserved it (19222)
On 07/14/2012 at 3:09am - intimacy - by Leyla - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22925) - you deserved it (3474)
On 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by nobrony (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15538) - you deserved it (2111)
On 06/21/2012 at 11:40am - love - by rink.attendant.6 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I snuck out of the house for a night on the town. When I got back, I found all the doors and windows bolted shut. My sister's laughing face at my bedroom window suggests I'll be spending the rest of the night outside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7219) - you deserved it (20307)
On 06/09/2012 at 5:15pm - misc - by cock sauce (man) - Switzerland (Luzern)
Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17053) - you deserved it (4367)
Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37286) - you deserved it (6752)
On 05/07/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by quirrus (woman) - United States
Today, I was fooling around with my husband on the bed. I was excited as he lifted my arms up in a seductive way, only to roll deodorant under my armpits. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9232) - you deserved it (21234)
On 03/24/2012 at 8:14am - intimacy - by SG - United States
Today, I was calling my husband while driving. While the phone rang, I farted. As soon as the horrid smell hit my nose, my husband answered. I panicked and hung up quickly, thinking to myself how embarrassed I was because he could smell it. I'm an idiot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5694) - you deserved it (22134)
On 03/15/2012 at 1:49pm - misc - by StinkyandStupid - United States
Today, my brother's girlfriend broke up with him. He has been playing Whitney Houston's "I will always love you" all day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23292) - you deserved it (2101)
On 02/11/2012 at 1:23am - love - by annon - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I was on a date with a guy I've been crushing on. In the middle of the dinner, he said he had to go get something from his car. When I asked what it was, he smiled and said it was a surprise. I waited for my surprise for half an hour. Then I decided to pay the bill and go home and cry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44968) - you deserved it (2321)
On 02/02/2012 at 1:00pm - love - by kingpig (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)
Today, I drove into a cluster of dustbins thanks to my dozy cat who'd managed to get into my car, fall asleep, and wake up while I was driving to work. I lost control when I was startled by him staring at me in the rear-view mirror. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19007) - you deserved it (4311)
On 01/18/2012 at 6:30am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia
Monday 20 May 2013
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