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LizetteBerenice's FML badges
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LizetteBerenice's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
by oh no / 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML
by Iamsosorry / 06/22/2015 at 7:35am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Work
Today, I was using the toilet. I was still insanely pissed off over an argument with my girlfriend, which kind of explains why I was wiping my ass so furiously that my fingers broke through the tissue and ended up in my ass, causing me to shriek like a little girl. FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2015 at 9:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by fartypants / 06/18/2015 at 6:53pm / United States (Florida) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/05/2015 at 11:58am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML
by nerderer / 06/04/2015 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals
by Sleepy / 05/31/2015 at 11:51am / United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a text from a guy I hooked up with. I'm not really interested in him, so I rushed out of his house last night. He was letting me know I left my wallet at his house, and if I want it, I'll have to let him take me to dinner. FML
by Anonymous / 05/06/2015 at 1:44pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/03/2015 at 3:42am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by Ixlovexwaffles / 04/29/2015 at 4:33pm / Intimacy
Today, I read my 10-year-old sister's diary. That's how I found out about her disturbingly detailed plan to murder me, make it look like suicide, date my boyfriend after helping him get over my death, then marry him. FML
by Anonymus / 04/18/2015 at 3:01am / Sweden / Kids
by transcendingnerd / 04/13/2015 at 6:46am / Philippines (Manila) / Kids
by shawnsmuffins / 03/19/2015 at 10:23pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by parkoursam / 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today while walking to the shop under the blistering African sun, I stepped on something that stuck… Today, my crush got together with a dude on my 18th birthday party after I tried my best to win her… Today, while on a ride at a water park, someone stole my thongs. The ground is hot enough to burn…