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LittleSam3's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 12:29pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I went on a date to the movies with this guy I kinda like. When he was driving me home, he asked me to be his girlfriend; I said I couldn’t because it was really bad timing. He kicked me out of the car, called me an asshole, and made me walk home. FML
by lonerboner / 10/03/2012 at 9:47am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML
by foreveralone / 09/24/2012 at 7:12pm / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML
by minibuch1505 / 09/21/2012 at 7:31am / Miscellaneous
Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML
by RawrSparkle / 09/21/2012 at 3:31am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by GMD / 09/18/2012 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Health
Today, my boyfriend and I had breakfast with his grandmother. She told him how I'm prettier than "that Mexican" he'd brought home for dinner last week. We had dinner with her last week, and I'm that same Mexican. She then went on to how Mexicans are what's wrong with the economy. FML
by MexicanMe / 09/14/2012 at 10:13am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/11/2012 at 12:47am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I listened to my roommate and her friend struggle with their math homework for an hour. It wouldn't be so bad, except for the fact that I'm a math major and repeatedly offered my help. They'd rather fail math than be around me. FML
by foreveralone.jpg / 08/29/2012 at 4:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally had sex with my boyfriend. I had never gotten so far with a guy, so I was really nervous. He was careful, we tried different positions, "it was fun" and he came. I barely felt anything. FML
by Confused / 08/22/2012 at 12:33pm / Spain (Madrid) / Intimacy
by ihateveganism / 08/22/2012 at 12:19am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that my six year old cousin has a raging crush on my boyfriend. She lives across the street and watches from her window for his car to appear in front of my house. She's indicated that she'll stop at nothing until he's hers. FML
by yoggabe / 08/18/2012 at 4:34pm / Mexico (Tabasco) / Kids
by Just_Me_88 / 08/18/2012 at 1:09am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by lonely. / 08/15/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
by mikeissad / 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm / United States (Florida) / Work
- Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my… Today, I was complimented on how big my penis was. I was complimented by the guy peeing next to me… Today, my grandma added to my elephant collection by giving me some underwear with elephant ears on…
- Today, I went to the Eiffel Tower with my boyfriend. We’d been talking about getting married for a… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture…