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LittleBastard

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LittleBastard
  • Town/Country : BastardVille, United Grapes
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 8 July 1944 (69 years)
  • Number of visits : 158
  • Number of comments : 60
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About LittleBastard : I'm confused as of why we need to have so many luxuries in life, like this smartphone I'm using to write this to you, even though this section is to tell you about myself, I'd rather write nonsense to the unsuspecting viewer of my profile.

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LittleBastard's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML

#21103666
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50419) - you deserved it (3223)

On 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm - love - by wiona (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

#21095315
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38200) - you deserved it (5191)

On 03/24/2014 at 4:28pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was playing with my little nephew and began to tickle him playfully, even though I know he doesn't like to be tickled. When I was done, he looked me straight in the eye, punched me in the groin, and told me, "No one tickles me". He's six. FML

#21034458
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24668) - you deserved it (38381)

On 01/20/2014 at 10:34pm - kids - by Ginger_Gawd - United States (Florida)

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

#21031414
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47289) - you deserved it (8637)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML

#21007608
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39556) - you deserved it (5112)

On 12/27/2013 at 8:37pm - animals - by eyes wide SHIT (woman) - Australia

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML

#21007541
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35002) - you deserved it (2823)

On 12/27/2013 at 7:05pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43464) - you deserved it (4927)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43181) - you deserved it (19271)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mom said I should start wearing push up bras to make myself look better. I was wearing one when she said that. FML

#20976101
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39467) - you deserved it (3296)

On 11/30/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by flatchested Sam - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41891) - you deserved it (4351)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML

#20969815
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60814) - you deserved it (4208)

On 11/25/2013 at 1:16am - intimacy - by why god - United States (California)

Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML

#20944930
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15462) - you deserved it (62286)

On 11/04/2013 at 6:39am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my wife ate nothing all day due to her morning sickness, but I tried to get her to eat something light, for our baby's sake. I brought her a banana. She yelled at me for being a "pervert" and accused me of just wanting to watch her stick a phallic object in her mouth. FML

#20935582
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42368) - you deserved it (4744)

On 10/27/2013 at 12:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my father was taking pictures of my friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offered to show us. He scrolled one picture too far and ended up showing us a picture of his penis. FML

#20927261
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54068) - you deserved it (3405)

On 10/20/2013 at 9:02am - intimacy - by Female_Lucifer (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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