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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Lisimal

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Lisimal
  • Town/Country : California, U.S.A
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 17585
  • Number of comments : 207
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About Lisimal : Hell to the O!

Lisimal's last visitors

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Lisimal's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

#14460417 (133)

I agree, your life sucks (34133) - you deserved it (3837)

On 01/04/2011 at 5:56am - intimacy - by LoveMyNewBro -

Today, I was in a very crowded train coming home from work. I saw a cute guy sitting across from me. As I lifted my one leg to hook it over my other leg, I let out a loud fart. All I could do was sit there and wait for my stop. FML

#14368305 (90)

I agree, your life sucks (18948) - you deserved it (7375)

On 12/28/2010 at 10:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

#14333152 (217)

I agree, your life sucks (31943) - you deserved it (6586)

On 12/25/2010 at 8:38am - intimacy - by Jessie - United States (Texas)

Today, as I got to my first class seat on an airplane, I saw the person I sit next to wafting the smell of their vagina towards themselves and breathing in deeply. It's an eight hour flight. FML

#14239433 (171)

I agree, your life sucks (31509) - you deserved it (2471)

On 12/17/2010 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I participated in a charity auction at my university where the boys are "sold" to the highest bidder to be a slave for a day. My girlfriend and ex were bidding against each other. My ex won. FML

#14143329 (104)

I agree, your life sucks (24223) - you deserved it (3556)

On 12/09/2010 at 2:58pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

#14058992 (190)

I agree, your life sucks (25443) - you deserved it (7152)

On 12/02/2010 at 10:54am - intimacy - by sissydlk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML

#13961788 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (23379) - you deserved it (7767)

On 11/24/2010 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Heyy - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML

#13930948 (213)

I agree, your life sucks (24497) - you deserved it (3131)

On 11/21/2010 at 10:42pm - animals - by dickwebs - Germany

Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML

#13921347 (170)

I agree, your life sucks (5919) - you deserved it (40101)

On 11/21/2010 at 3:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico (Morelos)

Today, someone in my class wrote 'erase me if you can' at the very top of the board, as I am always tormented about how short I am compared to everyone else. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach it. I'm the teacher. FML

#13815029 (214)

I agree, your life sucks (33003) - you deserved it (3461)

On 11/12/2010 at 1:23pm - misc - by Petitprof (man) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, 'I wish you liked anal.' FML

#13814299 (266)

I agree, your life sucks (14796) - you deserved it (26256)

On 11/12/2010 at 11:31am - intimacy - by lisacasabonita (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

#13756412 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (12470) - you deserved it (39098)

On 11/07/2010 at 8:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was sitting on a bench enjoying the sun, when a guy came and sat next to me. Next thing I know, he farts loudly, then proudly looks my way. I stared back in shock. He says to me, "Yeah, that just happened," and walks off. FML

#13697892 (210)

I agree, your life sucks (43529) - you deserved it (9218)

On 11/03/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by flying13 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was cashier at work. The line came to a stop, but there was still people there. I kept saying next, but no one moved. I finally looked over the counter where there was a lady who had been standing there the whole time. She was a midget. FML

#13684047 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (25819) - you deserved it (8864)

On 11/02/2010 at 2:20am - work - by saraleerocha - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to a party dressed as a Pinata. Drunk people tried to hit me all night. FML

#13671939 (93)

I agree, your life sucks (5435) - you deserved it (34070)

On 11/01/2010 at 3:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)