About Lioness8197 : I love reading and writing.
I love to longboard.
I want a Great Dane and German Shepherd.
I love baseball and football.
Lions are my favorite animal.
I'm a Leo.
I want to become a baker and one day own a bakery that I can call mine.
I'm a very respectful person. Don't assume because I'm a teenager I'm rude, disrespectful and inconsiderate.
About Lioness8197 : I love reading and writing.
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Lioness8197's favorite FMLs
Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML
by Joey / 05/07/2009 at 6:39pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML
by Jinthebar / 05/06/2009 at 12:13am / United States (California) / Love
Today, at a concert, I noticed a cute keytarist in one of the bands. After they got off stage, I asked their bass player if she was single. He replied, "actually, she's married," holding up his left hand, he continued, "to me." FML
by fastfingers409 / 04/22/2009 at 2:44am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was walking in the park when I heard some boys shouting behind me. As I turned around they poured a bucket of red liquid over my head. They thought I was someone they knew. I wasn't. And i was wearing a $200 white dress. Red dye doesn't come out of white dresses. FML
by anon / 04/21/2009 at 4:32am / United Kingdom (Barking and Dagenham) / Miscellaneous
by tvaladie / 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML
by Anonymous / 04/08/2009 at 12:03am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
Today, my siblings came home for the weekend. At dinner, my dad started complaining at how one of my siblings had gotten fired, one was failing college, and the other was gay. He went on to say I was 17 and already had a bright future. I'm pregnant. FML
by Anonymous / 04/03/2009 at 10:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML
by nic / 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML
by warp_routine / 03/31/2009 at 10:17am / United States (Vermont) / Health
Today, my friend told the cute waiter it was my birthday. He brought out a dessert with a candle and put a huge sombrero on my head. Everyone at the restaurant started singing me happy birthday. I got embarrassed and put my head down. My sombrero caught on fire. FML
by Hotsauce887 / 03/29/2009 at 5:08pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML
by Anon. / 03/28/2009 at 4:07am / United States (Connecticut) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/26/2009 at 12:36pm / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
by konens_dick / 03/22/2009 at 6:38am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, at the point of orgasm, my boyfriend screamed out, "Is this all there is?!" then rolled over… Today, my boyfriend of three months told me he's going to get tested for STDs, because he's worried… Today, my boyfriend and I were about to make love for the first time. The moment my bra came off,…