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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 August 1988 (25 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 586
  • Number of comments : 17
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Linux's favorite FMLs

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

#17352313
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40639) - you deserved it (5463)

On 08/03/2011 at 3:40am - love - by Tim - United States

Today, I got a nose bleed in the ladies bathroom. An old lady comes out of a stall and says, "Oh, your nose is bleeding. Well I shit my pants. I'm sure it'll come out in the wash." FML

#17100769
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22313) - you deserved it (2121)

On 07/13/2011 at 11:15pm - health - by stephiew - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73473) - you deserved it (7666)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML

#16383481
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14805) - you deserved it (56071)

On 05/28/2011 at 5:24am - intimacy - by redhanded (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

#15598918
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33357) - you deserved it (45034)

On 04/02/2011 at 1:03am - misc - by Toothy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a call from my 8 year old son's teacher. Apparently, my kid has been charging girls a quarter to touch his "special area." FML

#15472026
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48573) - you deserved it (8004)

On 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm - misc - by omg - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after weeks of thinking and playing every outcome possible in my head, I told my parents I'm gay. My dad nodded and didn't even look up from his book; my mom told me to go to the doctor if it starts to itch. FML

#13374619
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32872) - you deserved it (8145)

On 10/09/2010 at 2:47am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband pooped the bed for the second time since we've been married. We've been married a month. FML

#13361904
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45461) - you deserved it (4883)

On 10/08/2010 at 1:23am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on an airplane, riding in first class for the first time in my life. The man next to me turned to me just before takeoff, stared at my chest, and said that he hoped there would be severe turbulence. FML

#13198134
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32941) - you deserved it (3825)

On 09/25/2010 at 5:49pm - misc - by huj - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my last day with my boyfriend before he went to college. At the store, he got a huge box of condoms. When I asked why he was getting so many, he said they were for the girls he meets at college. He then asked me to steal them for him. FML

#13187937
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36378) - you deserved it (4320)

On 09/24/2010 at 10:00pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML

#9110965
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39681) - you deserved it (8309)

On 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm - love - by Satan (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, he started playing with my nipples. Suddenly he stops kissing me, looks at my nipples and says, "Have they always been like this? They look like joysticks!". He then started singing the Super Mario Brother's theme song and playing the game with my nipples. FML

#9086835
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26496) - you deserved it (5127)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:09pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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