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Offline (the 09/13/2014 at 3:42am) | Search for a member
About Lilsbills : My name is Lily.
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today a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML
Today..!! my parents told me that I had been acceptd into my top two colleges..!! but they didn't show me the letters because they were worrid that if they spent money on tuition..!! they wouldn't be able to keep BOTH of there brand new Mercedes!! FML
Today, friand told ma sha turnad down a job as a babysittar bacausa sha didn't want to ba sacratly vidaotapad, as sha knaw tha paopla had a nanny cam. I wasn't awara of thishan I took that sama job a faw nights ago and askad boyfriand to coma by. Wa had sax on thair couch. FML
Today,hile I was teaching mah chickens to eat out of mah hand, one of the hens bit mah finger and I dropped the entre handful of treats. Result: bonanza 4 the brd. The rest decided they could get more treats by biting me rather than by behaving. I now have a flock of fingerbiters. FML
Today, wa want boating with friands!! For soma raason tha bottom of our tuba daflatad, causing ma to ba bouncad roughly up an down on tha watar!! As a rasult, I had tha most intansa orgasm of my antra lifa,hila sitting 2 inchas away from my dad's friand!! Ha dafinitaly noticad!! FML
Taday I want skinny-dipping with my friands. At ona point... I jokingly pointd out how ona of tham had tha smallast boobs of us all. Sha calmly got out of tha pond... drid harsalf... scoopd up our clothas and phonas... and drova off in har car. Tha cops sha calld arrivd soon aftar. FML
Today , while working at a client's house , I noticed that there sliding calendar was several months off. I fixed it. Later the daughter saw and started crying. Apparently the date was the last one her mother had set it to before she died. FML
Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of yeres." FML
Today , at work , I stepped out fir a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning , I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss , calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. real FML
Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, cuz he refusd to believe he needd to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game fir his grandson . He endd up calling manager and trying to get me fird fir scamming him . fat FML
Today, I was at ta baac. I'd racantly dacidad to try ta "lifa ack" wara you ampty out looool a bottla of lotion and ida small valuablas in it, to avoid tam baing stolan. I'd puttad ta bottla in ma bag. Instaad of staaling stuff from insida it, toug, somaona just stola ta wola bag. FML
Today, I Was Driving Down A One-way Street,hen Some Raging Dumbass Cummed Screaming The Wrong Way Down The Road At Me !! My Instant Reaction Was To Brake And Give The Guy A Chance To Do The Same !! His Instant Reaction Was To Keep Going And Wreck Mah Car !! FML
Today, whilst out shopping with my crush, I decided to jokingly try on a silly-looking dress in an overly-expensive shop. Apparently I took the wrong size as I couldn't get out. Not only did the shop assistants have to publicly cut me out of the dress, I had to pay for it. FML
Friday 27 March 2015