About Lilsbills : My name is Lily.
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Lilsbills's favorite FMLs
Today, I was forced to spend New Years Eve with my strict/conservative parents in the middle of nowhere in Illinois. If I had nothing else, I looked forward to watching the ball drop in NYC. As the seconds counted down the T.V. shut off. Parental controls shut down cable at midnight. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2010 at 2:11am / United States / Holidays
Today, I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest for drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well, actually you were born addicted to heroin, so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML
by drugbaby / 12/18/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health
Today, I walked into Old Navy to buy myself a pair of jingle jammies. Save yourself the embarrassment: don't shake the jammies in the middle of the store to hear the jingling, because these jammies do not jingle. You'll just look like an idiot. FML
by sarabalism / 12/17/2009 at 12:07am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my mom had read my diary because she was worried. She now knows details about my depression, details about my sex life, such as how I lost my virginity, to whom (I don't have a boyfriend), and what condition I was in at the time (drunk as a duck). She also showed my dad. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2009 at 7:56am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Intimacy
Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML
by anonymous / 11/06/2009 at 6:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my SUV in to get the oil changed, and the tires rotated. They allowed me to stay there, because they said it would only take 30 minutes. So I sit there in the waiting room, and I look through the window only to see my SUV falling off the lift, from 6 feet in the air. FML
by effmylife / 10/23/2009 at 6:09am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 10/20/2009 at 11:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Geez / 10/19/2009 at 1:02pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy
by jentown11 / 09/28/2009 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by scaredtosleep / 09/24/2009 at 5:50am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was home alone, and decided to do some naked cleaning just because I could. After half an hour of liberating nakie-dusting, I turn around to see my boyfriend and his best friend gaping at me open mouthed. His older brother however gave a creepy smile and the thumbs up. FML
by DusterOverBits / 09/23/2009 at 5:35am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by cramps / 09/17/2009 at 9:59am / Australia (Victoria) / Health
Today, I was first in line at a stoplight. After five minutes, with a line of cars behind me, the light was still red. People behind me started honking, so I decided to just go. Halfway across the way, I was greeted by a camera flash. Nobody else went. FML
by publicenemy / 09/15/2009 at 8:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML
by Charlie / 09/08/2009 at 6:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by kennedygeeee / 09/07/2009 at 10:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the… Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what… Today, I discovered that my new college roommate not only makes casual conversation about his bowel…