About Lilsbills : My name is Lily.
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Lilsbills's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 7:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by young grandpa / 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm / United States / Holidays
Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML
by Idontbelieveinmagic / 06/17/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Nevada) / Transportation
Today, I accidentally left some music playing on my iPad, then left to do some errands. When I came back, I found it smashed into a million pieces. Apparently, grandpa couldn't find any other way to "shut off that goddamn music." FML
by MsGlaDos / 06/12/2013 at 5:45pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, a customer came in and ordered a "Butterbeer Frappuccino." When I said we serve no such thing, she yelled at me for "lying" to her, saying she knew about our "secret menu." She ended up complaining to my manager and demanded that he fire me. FML
by I hate my job / 06/08/2013 at 6:20pm / United States / Work
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2013 at 3:01pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
Today, my friends and I went out for drinks. I'm the only one who's actually 21 or over, and they have fake IDs. Not only was I the only one to be carded, the bartender thought that my actual ID was fake. I got kicked out while my friends kept drinking. FML
by whyme / 05/31/2013 at 2:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 12:51pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
by future brain bleach addict / 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my bathroom flooded. I frantically cleaned my apartment as fast as I could before the plumber arrived. Everything was finally clean when I let him in. It wasn't until after he finished that I noticed I'd left my anal beads in the shower. There's no way he didn't notice. FML
by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 2:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by DemiRawrs / 05/01/2013 at 1:23pm / United States / Health
Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML
by Wow. Really? / 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML
by sanoria51 / 04/26/2013 at 7:58pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by fiercehawk / 04/24/2013 at 2:23am / United States (Indiana) / Health
- 1Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 2Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…