About Lilsbills : My name is Lily.
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Lilsbills's favorite FMLs
Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2013 at 4:37pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I attended my first day of school 4 days after reconstructive surgery. But no worries: I'm sure my alien-like appearance and 2 hours of Darth Vader style breathing in an otherwise silent test room will make me lots of friends. FML
by carobee / 08/24/2013 at 12:25am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, my mom put me in charge of her business's Facebook. Later, I was doing homework and took a Facebook break, changing my status to "So fucking boring." I'd forgotten to log out of the business account. FML
by ShadowReiku / 08/22/2013 at 10:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by baconbxtch / 08/21/2013 at 10:45pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2013 at 1:58pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Msmerfner / 08/03/2013 at 4:40am / United States (California) / Love
by fsdjhgasjlhg / 08/03/2013 at 2:46am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
by whyeventry? / 08/02/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by nela25 / 07/30/2013 at 1:51pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I announced my first pregnancy to my family. Not to be outdone, my sister immediately announced that she "might" be getting pregnant soon. My family ended up congratulating her instead, and asked me if I would plan the baby shower. FML
by Happyunlucky / 07/20/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 7:56am / United States / Animals
Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML
by Aliiiice / 07/16/2013 at 9:18am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Health
by lilly1105 / 07/15/2013 at 9:19am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML
by DocKreso / 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm / Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska) / Work
- Today, I was running late to work and noticed that my car keys weren't in the right spot. I quickly… Today, I forgot my headphones at home, which wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to be in the third… Today, I came home after a 2 week long vacation during which I didn't have phone access. I turned…