About Lillias :
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63892) - you deserved it (22626)
On 03/18/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by bluten (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (85782) - you deserved it (36514)
On 03/17/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by MrAwsum (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (148696) - you deserved it (20736)
On 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm - intimacy - by illequipt - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was having sex with a guy I met and in the middle of it his mother called him. After stopping to answer the phone, he tried to put me on with her because she didn't believe anyone would actually sleep with him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (96102) - you deserved it (11630)
On 03/15/2009 at 4:47pm - intimacy - by MarMar (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I told my boyfriend "we need to talk". He said "i know". So we met after school, and he said he was ok with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59731) - you deserved it (8005)
On 03/14/2009 at 5:46am - love - by knee2tak (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57675) - you deserved it (4095)
On 03/13/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend that I've had a crush on him since our junior year. Since I couldn't see him I shot him a text. His response: "Yeah I know. I've tried kind of ignoring it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (64964) - you deserved it (5742)
On 03/13/2009 at 3:27am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40980) - you deserved it (247065)
On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML
I agree, your life sucks (181683) - you deserved it (8538)
On 03/10/2009 at 9:10pm - misc - by TuralSucks (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (461082) - you deserved it (572841)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was walking along the street and passed a young couple. Over my shoulder I heard the girl say to her boyfriend "Would you still love me if I looked like her?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (135908) - you deserved it (8161)
On 03/07/2009 at 5:13am - misc - by Pissed Off (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my fiancée broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML
I agree, your life sucks (277898) - you deserved it (22646)
On 02/28/2009 at 7:22pm - love - by loser (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55575) - you deserved it (323766)
On 02/26/2009 at 10:30am - work - by Noname - United States (Michigan)
Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10183) - you deserved it (36436)
On 02/24/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by lifesucks (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (177845) - you deserved it (61437)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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