About Lillias :
This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Socialite
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Today, I was at the mall blasting music. I was wearing a nice shirt, and had my iPod in my breast pocket. I noticed a cute girl smiling at me, so I smiled back and as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling. It looked like I was rubbing my nipple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23781) - you deserved it (51214)
On 05/20/2009 at 11:08pm - love - by zero_minded12 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50230) - you deserved it (39079)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancée, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancée for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (271867) - you deserved it (10278)
On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39196) - you deserved it (4631)
On 05/14/2009 at 2:48am - love - by KarolBee (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22427) - you deserved it (76609)
On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11909) - you deserved it (64152)
On 04/28/2009 at 4:53am - love - by H-B (man) - United States
Today, I went up to a secluded mountain my boyfriend took me to for our first date. As I saw another couple hooking up in the bushes, I phoned my boyfriend to tell him someone found our secret spot. His Bob Marley ringtone started playing from the bush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (166304) - you deserved it (6635)
On 04/28/2009 at 2:27am - intimacy - by liveforpeace_ (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I started my period. I am getting married tomorrow. So, not only am I going to be on my period for my wedding night and honeymoon, my best friend has to help me change my pad because my dress is so big. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64331) - you deserved it (6798)
On 04/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30740) - you deserved it (75087)
On 04/21/2009 at 1:42am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML
I agree, your life sucks (107142) - you deserved it (10680)
On 04/19/2009 at 10:09pm - health - by Litterbox (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82168) - you deserved it (30302)
On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (548160) - you deserved it (35288)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my girlfriend told me that she had an ultrasound tomorrow morning. With a confused look on my face, she said to me "don't worry, it's not yours." FML
I agree, your life sucks (93773) - you deserved it (4010)
On 04/08/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Crazy09 - United States (Michigan)
Today, I met a guy online. We talked all night long and hit it off amazingly. He told me he'd never felt that way about anyone else, and I agreed. He sent me a picture and he was gorgeous. I sent him one after he assured me he didn't care what I looked like. I haven't heard from him since. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59073) - you deserved it (8849)
On 04/08/2009 at 3:19am - love - by DL06 (woman) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46740) - you deserved it (127701)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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