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Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6165) - you deserved it (28819)
On 05/13/2012 at 2:26am - work - by fired - United States (Oregon)
Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet. A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6120) - you deserved it (6559)
On 05/12/2012 at 12:27am - misc - by Snickers (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24719) - you deserved it (2555)
On 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm - misc - by wtf is wrong with my country (man) - United States
Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24299) - you deserved it (1772)
On 05/06/2012 at 12:09am - health - by catherineratley - United States (Illinois)
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9702) - you deserved it (39874) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France
Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13088) - you deserved it (1543)
On 03/24/2012 at 9:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML
I agree, your life sucks (25789) - you deserved it (2018)
On 12/18/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by scammed - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my downstairs neighbor had a home birth. Not only did I hear eighteen hours of uninterrupted screaming, they called me afterwards, asking if I could come over to help them clean up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29409) - you deserved it (1742)
On 12/15/2011 at 4:43pm - health - by Kara - United States (New York)
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30750) - you deserved it (2952)
On 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm - kids - by Santa - Canada (Ontario)
Today, in geometry class, we were working in dead silence. Apparently my phone wasn't on vibrate, and I received 25 texts all at once, while it blasted "Hakuna Matataaaa" out of my back pocket. They weren't even texts from friends, just Facebook notifications. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7945) - you deserved it (21793)
On 12/03/2011 at 3:15am - misc - by Makala - Egypt (Al Qahirah)
Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33251) - you deserved it (7072)
On 11/12/2011 at 12:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14790) - you deserved it (57478)
On 11/11/2011 at 10:53am - intimacy - by dumbassbuffet (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I saw an old man on his porch. Being friendly, I waved at him as I ran by. Apparently his idea of greeting someone is pelting them with stones. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16181) - you deserved it (1639)
On 10/27/2011 at 4:06am - misc - by unlucky - United States (Texas)
Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10274) - you deserved it (24369)
On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States
Today, while on the phone with my boyfriend, I really needed to poop. Badly. He was in the middle of telling a story, so I figured I could get away with muting the phone while on the toilet. Halfway through, he suddenly went silent. I forgot to mute the phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9336) - you deserved it (29017)
On 10/24/2011 at 1:04am - love - by ShitHappens - United States
Friday 24 May 2013
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