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Today, my iPhone got back from being fixed. When I opened the box there was a note attached to my phone that said, "All you had to do was turn it on." FML
I agree, your life sucks (4137) - you deserved it (25330)
On 07/27/2012 at 1:05am - misc - by ryanharp2 - United States (Arkansas)
Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20467) - you deserved it (1382)
On 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm - work - by justlittleoldme - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I continued my habit of saying, "It smells like lung cancer over here" any time I see a smoker. This guy turned out to be an amateur MMA fighter, and I was his "workout" for the day. I guess his lungs are doing fine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7419) - you deserved it (36534)
On 07/25/2012 at 12:10am - health - by xd3box - United States (North Carolina)
Today, was my daughter's birthday. I didn't know I had a daughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19514) - you deserved it (7703)
On 07/23/2012 at 8:52pm - kids - by nick (man) - United States (California)
Today, my cousin is coming home after his honeymoon. His gift to his new wife was a puppy, which I said I would take care of while they went away. I sneezed last week and scared the puppy. She ran off. This was ten days ago, and I still haven't found the dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17488) - you deserved it (6366)
On 07/22/2012 at 12:24am - animals - by whymegirl - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27414) - you deserved it (2082)
On 07/20/2012 at 1:13am - money - by Rachel - United States
Today, I got home from the hospital after I burned my hand. Why? I dropped my phone in the pot while stirring hot soup, and I reached in to get it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4919) - you deserved it (23869)
On 07/15/2012 at 3:45am - health - by scooter922 - United States (Maryland)
Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26368) - you deserved it (27666)
On 07/15/2012 at 1:34am - intimacy - by oops - United States
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10543) - you deserved it (20824)
On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)
Today, I had a violent sneezing attack while changing my phone's password and now I have no idea what it could be. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21127) - you deserved it (2813)
On 07/08/2012 at 9:29pm - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20634) - you deserved it (1122) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to find both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5408) - you deserved it (15548)
On 07/01/2012 at 11:59am - animals - by mommabuser -
Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9770) - you deserved it (15628)
On 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm - misc - by ww2freak - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36960) - you deserved it (3014)
On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, I realized that all the times I checked behind the shower curtain before peeing didn't prepare me for what to do if someone was actually there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23500) - you deserved it (2509)
On 05/13/2012 at 11:12am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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