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Lili_love's favorite FMLs
by DreamsDontComeTrue / 02/05/2015 at 1:15am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by kubbyp / 04/03/2014 at 5:22pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML
by systematicpanic / 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Work
by LeChameauTrisomique / 03/14/2014 at 12:33am / France (Centre) / Work
Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML
by Anonymous / 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML
by Anonymous / 01/05/2014 at 6:48pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
by awkwardpartybear / 01/04/2014 at 6:43pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by ElephantLover / 12/11/2013 at 3:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by OuchImAMoron / 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML
by KittyKat / 11/03/2013 at 9:22am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Kids
Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent me a message saying how "attractive" she was and that her eyes are "very seductive". So, basically, someone is trying to hit on my cat. FML
by meow / 10/30/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Animals
Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML
by IamAflyingCat / 10/22/2013 at 5:12am / United States / Animals
Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked… Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me that he listened to me yesterday: I said that I loved unusual… Today, at Toronto airport, the customs officer checked my passport, then called his colleagues to…