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LilTiki559's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML
by Anonymous / 09/14/2013 at 3:32pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Miscellaneous
Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML
by heartbroken / 09/09/2013 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Love
by merpaderp14 / 09/09/2013 at 2:15am / Canada / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/08/2013 at 7:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML
by down trodden / 09/05/2013 at 3:45am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML
by dear god help me. / 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work
by ven980 / 09/04/2013 at 3:00am / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids
by D / 09/03/2013 at 2:04pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/18/2013 at 11:56pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, after giving me my very first orgasm, my boyfriend sat me down and had a serious chat with me about my orgasm face. Apparently it reminded him of the scene in the Exorcist with the possessed girl, and it really freaked him out. FML
by right / 08/02/2013 at 10:08am / United Kingdom (Dorset) / Intimacy
Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
by whyeventry? / 08/02/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/01/2013 at 3:36am / United States (Arizona) / Love
by father of the year / 08/01/2013 at 2:21am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/31/2013 at 12:28pm / Belgium (West-Vlaanderen) / Intimacy
Today, I watched my boyfriend flirt with a cashier and write down his number for her, through the liquor store window, while I sat in the car waiting for him to finish buying things for our "romantic movie night." FML
by Opheliae / 07/29/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
- Today my boss fussed at me for something my co-worker did yesterday "because you were sitting right… Today, I was woken up around 2 in the morning to my father entering my room to urinate in the cat… Today, I was on my way home from a long night shift, exhausted beyond belief. While walking down my…