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LilTiki559's favorite FMLs
Today, being useless at thinking of gifts, I asked my boyfriend what he wants for Christmas. I said it could be anything that I could afford. He looked me in the eye and said very seriously: "Anal." FML
by fuckered519 / 12/06/2014 at 2:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I agreed to give my husband head while he played Call of Duty. I was happy because he enjoyed it at first, until he started getting his ass kicked in the game. He lost and angrily blamed me for distracting him. FML
by Anonymous / 11/26/2014 at 2:41pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML
by ohwell / 11/24/2014 at 8:44am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love
Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML
by 404: fuck not given / 11/23/2014 at 11:34am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2014 at 7:52am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML
by KilledTheMoment / 11/23/2014 at 1:10am / United States (Illinois) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 1:18pm / Ireland (Kilkenny) / Intimacy
by jigglypluff / 11/19/2014 at 12:27am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML
by blindsparrow / 11/18/2014 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML
by HereToLaughAtU / 11/17/2014 at 11:16pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, after realizing my flashcards had fallen out of my binder, I asked my teacher if I could quickly go to my locker to get them. She said no and told me to go sit down. As soon as class ended, I went to my locker and brought them to her. Her response? "Why didn't you ask me to get these during class?" FML
by ohgosh... / 11/17/2014 at 10:10pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by boo / 11/16/2014 at 10:07pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…