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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Likimas

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Likimas
  • Town/Country : Loganville, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 26 January 1993 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 1441
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Likimas's favorite FMLs

Today, the man I was going to dinner with got me the most expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend comes and sits with us. Somehow the subject of getting it on comes up. My date then says "expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants". FML

#2048431 (168)

I agree, your life sucks (41771) - you deserved it (4448)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:46pm - love - by Anonymous - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

#1769804 (61)

I agree, your life sucks (9598) - you deserved it (33398)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:08am - animals - by Christine (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my boyfriend took me to his grandfather's funeral. At the reception, his family members insist on hearing me play piano. After getting positive reactions, I dive into one of my favorites, Rustle of Spring. In 2 seconds everyone bursts into tears. That was Papa's favorite too. FML

#1768165 (191)

I agree, your life sucks (43305) - you deserved it (2716)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:54am - misc - by pianokiller (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I thought it would be funny if I put a 'Free if Hot-Wired' sign on my friend's car. I guess it worked. FML

#1766885 (146)

I agree, your life sucks (5630) - you deserved it (55696)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by t-dawg (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML

#1091323 (147)

I agree, your life sucks (31894) - you deserved it (22670)

On 04/18/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by xxxdwangelaxxx (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom asked if she could use my red dress for her two-week trip to the Caribbean. I said no, because I was going to a party and I wanted to wear it. She called me a selfish, greedy bitch who would stay single forever. I paid for her plane ticket, her hotel fees and her cruise ship fee. FML

#976819 (377)

I agree, your life sucks (114967) - you deserved it (5936)

On 04/14/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was setting up my laptop's fingerprint scanner. It worked, but in the name of science, I decided to put my penis on it to see if it could recognize it. When I was trying to login via my penis print, my mom walked in. FML

#498194 (251)

I agree, your life sucks (20344) - you deserved it (98740)

On 03/20/2009 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

#497309 (130)

I agree, your life sucks (21847) - you deserved it (81296)

On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

#495475 (79)

I agree, your life sucks (48073) - you deserved it (21569)

On 03/20/2009 at 7:35pm - misc - by cjj325 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my dad told me he has been dating my boyfriend's mom while I was away at college. They have gotten pretty serious, and are thinking about getting married. I might be dating my stepbrother. FML

#491409 (180)

I agree, your life sucks (95480) - you deserved it (3650)

On 03/20/2009 at 4:09pm - love - by Cindy (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. I have two older sisters graduated. The first one got a Tiffanys bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

#260878 (121)

I agree, your life sucks (56611) - you deserved it (2092)

On 03/10/2009 at 2:37pm - misc - by dileigh (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

#259923 (74)

I agree, your life sucks (58507) - you deserved it (1942)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was babysitting an eleven year old boy. He decided we should play with nerf guns with velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck on his pants wiggling for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML

#256188 (33)

I agree, your life sucks (36670) - you deserved it (9397)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - kids - by xoVioLoveox (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML

#256186 (97)

I agree, your life sucks (57855) - you deserved it (2338)

On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - intimacy - by danesy - United States (New York)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (362804) - you deserved it (401139)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)