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Today, the man I was going to dinner with got me the most expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend comes and sits with us. Somehow the subject of getting it on comes up. My date then says "expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants". FML
I agree, your life sucks (37658) - you totally deserved it (3800)
On 05/18/2009 at 12:46pm - love - by Anonymous - Egypt (Al Qahirah)
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then proceeded to bite and claw my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8403) - you totally deserved it (29989)
On 05/09/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Christine (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my boyfriend took me to his grandfather's funeral. At the reception, his family members insist on hearing me play piano. After getting positive reactions, I dive into one of my favorites, Rustle of Spring. In 2 seconds everyone bursts into tears. That was Papa's favorite too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39352) - you totally deserved it (2195)
On 05/09/2009 at 12:54am - misc - by pianokiller (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I thought it would be funny if I put a 'Free if Hot-Wired' sign on my friend's car. I guess it worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4679) - you totally deserved it (49411)
On 05/09/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by t-dawg (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, one of the psych patients I work with on a locked unit looked into my eyes and told me lovingly that I reminded him of his sister. The sister he killed after he raped her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (86550) - you totally deserved it (2313)
On 05/08/2009 at 8:19pm - work - by leideigh (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went swinging with my friend at the park. Seeing a few cute guys playing basketball, I tried to act cute, laughing loudly and letting my hair fly all over the place. Just as they look over the swing broke. I fell on my face, my jeans sliding down, mooning them. They laughed hysterically. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28754) - you totally deserved it (19640)
On 04/18/2009 at 5:08pm - misc - by xxxdwangelaxxx (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my mom asked if she could use my red dress for her two-week trip to the Caribbean. I said no, because I was going to a party and I wanted to wear it. She called me a selfish, greedy bitch who would stay single forever. I paid for her plane ticket, her hotel fees and her cruise ship fee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (85966) - you totally deserved it (3558)
On 04/14/2009 at 6:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was setting up my laptop's fingerprint scanner. It worked, but in the name of science, I decided to put my penis on it to see if it could recognize it. When I was trying to login via my penis print, my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11798) - you totally deserved it (73502)
On 03/20/2009 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18534) - you totally deserved it (73782)
On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43714) - you totally deserved it (18861)
On 03/20/2009 at 7:35pm - misc - by cjj325 (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my dad told me he has been dating my boyfriend's mom while I was away at college. They have gotten pretty serious, and are thinking about getting married. I might be dating my stepbrother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78039) - you totally deserved it (2251)
On 03/20/2009 at 4:09pm - love - by Cindy (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I walked in on my elderly great-great aunt sitting on her recliner in the living room. There was porn on the TV. Thinking that this was an accidental channel change, I asked, "What in the world are you watching!?" She replied in her sweet frail voice, "Two lesbians getting it on!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (75634) - you totally deserved it (9028)
On 03/19/2009 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I babysat 3 year old twins. They have a huge dry erase board hanging inbetween their beds. After they fell asleep I drew a very detailed and large drawing of a penis. When I went to erase it I realized it was in Sharpie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22724) - you totally deserved it (243157)
On 03/15/2009 at 1:47pm - kids - by babysitter (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. I have two older sisters graduated. The first one got a Tiffanys bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51774) - you totally deserved it (1687)
On 03/10/2009 at 2:37pm - misc - by dileigh (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53087) - you totally deserved it (1430)
On 03/10/2009 at 11:01am - misc - by Noname (man) - United States (Georgia)
