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Lexilulu44's favorite FMLs
by MyEarsHurt / 09/16/2012 at 7:01pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while on the train to university, I realized it was my stop and quickly stood up to get off. Or I would have, if my leg hadn't gone to sleep and caused me to fall, landing face first into the crotch of the old guy in front of me. FML
by LassieToe / 03/29/2012 at 11:48pm / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. I really had to use the bathroom, but decided to wait. After about an hour, I went to the restroom. I pissed for so long that when I walked out her family all started clapping. FML
by maniac11 / 10/10/2011 at 8:58pm / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I was on a train when we hit and killed a person. We were stalled for 4 hours. The guy sitting next to me asked what I did for a living, so I told him that I'm a vet tech. Then he showed me his infected elbow. FML
by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 10:51am / United States / Transportation
Today, I went with my boyfriend to the OC fair. He was taking a picture of me in front of a giant mechanical butterfly at the insect exhibit. Playfully, he told me to pretend to be a butterfly, so I quickly lifted my arms, just in time to slap a 7 year old girl in the face. FML
by slappedright / 07/26/2011 at 7:19pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/12/2011 at 2:37am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by woahitbechels / 04/24/2011 at 9:10pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was working at McDonald's, a man and his wife ordered a Sundae. I gave the guy his sundae and realized I'd forgotten something. I said, "One second sir. Let me grab your nuts." I realized what I said when his wife gave me the death glare. FML
by stifledbyyou / 12/11/2010 at 7:06pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 5:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by ohman / 10/02/2010 at 2:28am / Singapore / Love
by dzisfml / 02/14/2010 at 3:42am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I learned my 40 year old father is marrying a girl barely a year and a half older than me. She told me not to be afraid to call her mom. I was torn between punching her in the face and vomiting. FML
by OfCourse / 06/27/2009 at 1:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML
by Kimmiko / 06/04/2009 at 8:17am / Germany (Niedersachsen) / Transportation
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…