Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About Lesser : Thank you for stoping by. Did you spot the mouse in the first picture?
I love meeting new people, so please message me if you like. I am happy to advise people on badges, but please at least say 'Hello' in some way first rather than just saying "How do I get the 42 badge". And a 'thank you' after is always nice. Manners people.
While you here, go ahead and press that button. It's nice to know when someone has taken the time to look at my profile, and I have most likely already stalked yours. It's your fault for having a smudge which might be an interesting picture.
Here is my favourite picture of my sisters three legged cat. He was on kitty death row before my sister took him in. Just after his leg was amputated, he liked to rest his bare hairless stump against you, it was a very strange feeling. I highly recommend adopting a three legged animal. they need love just like every other creature.
One more and it's business time
You've received 68 likes on your profile. Kinky.
You liked our secret mascot. Well done, Sherlock!
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he said that I should go to the bathroom so we don't end up pregnant. When I asked why, he said that I need to "pee out the semen." I explained to him 5 times that I don't pee out of my vagina. He still doesn't get it. FML
Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML
Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML
Today, I had to buy groceries while suffering horrible morning sickness. My nausea magnified as I stood in line behind an obese lady wearing a tank top and tiny short shorts. I lost everything in my stomach when she stuck her hand down her shorts and started scratching at her ass-crack. FML
Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML
Today, after having lost 11 pounds following my pregnancy, I felt sexy and put on a cute outfit for my husband. When he walked into the bedroom, he ended up passing me three times, and then went to bed without a word. FML
Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML
Friday 17 April 2015