Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 08/26/2015 at 5:08am) | Search for a member
About Lenny15Prezident : I Love Fight Like Apes, the band not the saying. I recently worked in South Sudan (personal security) in Africa but my house is in Glasgow. I love going to Rock Gigs and festivals, as well as mountain biking, gaming, playing Rugby, playing Drums, guitar, bass and singing. I am also a qualified Sound Engineer. If you want you can drop me a message I will reply, if not then laters
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML
Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML
Today, while putting on a load of laundry, I squeezed the detergent bottle and it made a noise like a woman's orgasm. After laughing, I realised that I'm probably too immature to be washing my own clothes. FML
Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML
Today, I was in the car with my daughter, when I narrowly missed hitting a car after running a stop sign. After she screamed at me and demanded to know what I was doing, I had to admit that I'd been daydreaming about David Bowie. FML
Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML
Friday 28 August 2015