Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About Lennes : My name is, as far as you know, Lennes.
I enjoy video games, reading, writing, drawing, and, as of recently, acting. And dark shows. And dark movies. And dark books. And... You know, I just like there to be a little darkness. Not total darkness; more like a lit room with a slightly shadowed corner. A twinge of tragedy and hopelessness acts as a beautiful foil to the light, bringing out its glory to a fuller extent. Like putting salt on a watermelon. God that's good.
I also have a rather bad habit of watching anime far to much, and I find myself disappointed in the fact that it is typically abhorred. I find it narrow minded and obtuse. The abhorring, that is. God that's a great word. Abhor. It just rolls off the tongue. Like melancholy. Ah, another magnificent word.
I generally consider myself a terrible person due to my cynicism and misanthropy in my moments of seriousness. However, I hope to one day make up for this.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, we had my school musical. The girls have to wear long skirts. I had a thong on, and while we were dancing the guy behind me stepped on my skirt. It fell to my ankles... the whole audience saw my ass. FML
Today, I went over to my best friend's house only to have his little brother run up to us and confess his love to me. His little brother is twelve and I've tutored him for a year. I'm seventeen and male. Now my best friend thinks I 'taught' him something weird. He won't talk to me. FML
Today, I thought I'd surprise my girlfriend with a bear hug. I found her in the hall with her back to me talking to friends. As I walked up behind her and was about to wrap my arms around her, she said, "so does anyone have any ideas about how I should break it off with my boyfriend?" FML
Today, as I was yelled at by a middle school teacher in front of 30 6th graders for breaking the rule of "no cell phones in school." Luckily, I escaped being sent to the office after explaining I'm a 21 year old college student doing student teaching observations, not a middle schooler. FML
Today, a neighbour called to say my water tank burst. A colleague followed me home to help, took off his shirt so it wouldn't get wet and climbed through my window to get to the roof. My boyfriend unexpectedly came home as we were emerging from the bedroom. My colleague was still buttoning his shirt up. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I met a close friend of my husband for the first time. She told me it was amazing that I agreed to be in an open marriage and asked if sex was weird knowing he'd slept with other women. No, the sex wasn't weird, because we're not in an open marriage. FML
Today, I decided I'd take a nap in my car because I got to work very early. As I was waking up from my nap, I saw a cop looking right at me. Turns out, a lady who'd parked her car right next to mine after I was asleep had called the cops on me because she thought I was dead. FML
Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML
Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years old. I'm 25. FML
Today, I was out for a nice walk and saw a man being attacked by a large crowd. Instinctively I ran to help him. I pushed one "thug" off him and that little time allowed him to escape. I later found out the man I saved had just keyed someone's car and they had intervened. Guess whose car. FML
Today, my 6 year old son learned that if you give a mouse a cookie, he will ask for a glass of milk. But if you give a hamster a cookie, he will try to shove the whole thing in his mouth, choke, and die. FML
Today, we had a fire drill in my dorm, and I live on the 7th floor of my building. They shut the elevators down and I had to walk down 14 flights of steps. I shattered my kneecap last week. They turned the alarm off when I got to the first floor. FML
Wednesday 13 August 2014