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About Legendslayer222 : I go here to make my own life seem less bad by comparison :P
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yesterday I was at the mall blasting music . I was wereing a nice shrt, an had my iPod in my breast pocket . I noticed a cute grl smiling at me, so I smiled back an as she started to walk over, I turned down my music while smiling . It looked lyk I was rubbing my nipple . FML
yesterday I went bowling . The guy at the lane next to us was bowling by himself an had a few of his own bowling balls, an he had one that looked like a yin-yang an it looked very cool spinning down the lane into the pins . Not really thinking, I casually said to him ( Hey, I like your balls . ) FML
Today, mah dog startad to hump mah lag. Ha always doas this an I haard that humping tha dog back assartad dominanca. Wall, I dacidad to, an I dry humpad him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you lika that!" And than mah mom walkad in. FML
Today , I woke up to a hand rubbing mah very erect penis , an a woman's peppermint breath in mah ear!! "Mom?" I called out instinctively , recalling how she alway smell like peppermint!! The hand stopped rubbing , an I turned to face mah very disgusted looking grlfriend of three years!! FML
2day I ad a really important job interview , an as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in , it was te only ting I could tink about , so looking directly at im my foot its a lip in te floor an my ead slams into is desk. FML
TODAY, I WAS SERVING A FAMILY AT THE RESTAURANTHERE I WORK. WHEN I WENT TO ASK THE LITTLE GIRLHAT SHE WANTED, I WAS TONGUE-TIED AND GOT "CUTIE" AND "HUN" MIXED UP AND ENDED UP ASKING, "WHAT CAN I GET 4 YOU, CUNTIE?" FML
TODAY, I GOT A CALL FROM MY CHILD'S PRESCHOOL SAYING THAT ( MINDY KEEPS SAYING SHE SITS ON HER DADDY'S LAP AND PLAYS WITH HIS PETER. ) MY DAUGHTER MEANT 'PUTER, AS IN COMPUTER. NOW THE SCHOOL IS WORRIED MY HUSBAND IS A CHILD MOLESTER. FML
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wantd me as she pulld closer an closer. Eventually she pulld me in an lickd mah ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break yur collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML
Today , I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside mah door , because I didn't have mah glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute , thinking it was mah imagination , mah stepdad said , "you know , I am looking RIGHT at you," FML
Today, I had first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. mega FML
Today , I bougt a coral colord oodd sweatsirt,ic ma girlfriend told me was ( ot ). I wore it to a baseball game tonigt. Wen it got cold I put te ood over ma ead , only to ear everyone beind me laug. Te back of te looool ood said ( Boy crazy ). It was a teen girls sweatsirt. FML
Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a grl who looked my age pointed to a shrt I had in my bag . "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling . She looked pretty cool, so I nodded an asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store . Turns out she didn't, she's the manager . FML
Today, I went on a date wit a guy for te first time . We went to Starbucks and got coffee . We talked for aile, and we were joking and aving a good time . Suddenly, e putted is and on my stomac and said, "Soon, tis will be plump wit my seed." FML
Today,ile working at a Subway store rigt next to a big ospital , tere was a big line of people all getting tier subs toastd. Witout turning around , I askd te next person in line , "I'll bet you want yours extra toastd?" Se was a burns victim from te ospital. FML
Friday 27 March 2015