Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

LauraTheKiwi

Search for a member

LauraTheKiwi

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 June 1987 (27 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3358
  • Number of comments : 82
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About LauraTheKiwi : HOLLAAAAAAAAAAAA:)

LauraTheKiwi's page activity

Visits<b>rabbi1010</b> - yesterday at 5:05pm<b>cryssycakesx3</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 12:56pm<b>nerdtron430</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 2:55pm<b>MaltWarrior</b> - the 02/02/2014 at 6:39pm<b>AquanTheDragon</b> - the 12/03/2013 at 8:10pm<b>WeiXinLun</b> - the 10/25/2013 at 2:23pm<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 10/12/2013 at 11:33am<b>KatieMajestic</b> - the 09/23/2013 at 4:17am<b>MickiJ</b> - the 08/03/2013 at 9:06pm<b>whiplash2289</b> - the 06/24/2013 at 11:14pm<b>ayway</b> - the 06/03/2013 at 10:47pm<b>jacc16</b> - the 03/13/2013 at 12:46am<b>alphatoomega</b> - the 02/18/2013 at 11:02am<b>clarepetty</b> - the 12/26/2012 at 12:25pm<b>roundnproud</b> - the 05/21/2012 at 8:04am<b>Mornai</b> - the 09/12/2011 at 8:11am<b>DS1</b> - the 03/02/2010 at 3:01am<b>crzyry</b> - the 02/21/2010 at 3:49pm

LauraTheKiwi's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

LauraTheKiwi's favorite FMLs

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

#168595
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69817) - you deserved it (277098)

On 03/01/2009 at 4:08am - intimacy - by Sad (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. About halfway through he went really quiet and started breathing heavily. I thought he was about to climax until I discovered he had fallen asleep. FML

#150928
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60316) - you deserved it (13888)

On 02/27/2009 at 3:39am - intimacy - by facepalm (woman) - Singapore

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

#142269
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40962) - you deserved it (24711)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:08am - kids - by iailwkrb (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was riding the train and fell asleep. A friend of mine got on a few stops later, and to be funny, shouted 'BOO!'. I woke up and was so startled I peed myself. FML

#90535
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39506) - you deserved it (6055)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:13pm - misc - by niabby - United States (Illinois)

Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML

#75712
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43009) - you deserved it (2479)

On 02/19/2009 at 2:09am - misc - by Offended (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
503 comments

I agree, your life sucks (228728) - you deserved it (80520)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over by a motorcycle cop for speeding in a 25 MPH zone. As the cop was walking towards my car, I flicked my cig-bud out of my window. So, the cop did me the pleasure of writing me two tickets instead of one. FML

#51182
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10908) - you deserved it (151929)

On 02/16/2009 at 1:52am - misc - by Dani_Rich - United States (California)

Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML

#44996
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54250) - you deserved it (10123)

On 02/15/2009 at 12:44am - misc - by Noname - United States

Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML

#38789
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47378) - you deserved it (7722)

On 02/13/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Shamu (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

#37200
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40849) - you deserved it (3006)

On 02/13/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by hhaannnnaahh (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

#37200
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40849) - you deserved it (3006)

On 02/13/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by hhaannnnaahh (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML

#21808
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10871) - you deserved it (68296)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by JLoistheBomb (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML

#13590
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27079) - you deserved it (5901)

On 02/07/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by J (woman) - United Kingdom (Stockport)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i'm gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

#3435
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37522) - you deserved it (29519)

On 01/29/2009 at 4:44pm - intimacy - by GavinHosler - United States (Michigan)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: