LauraTheKiwi

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LauraTheKiwi

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 June 1987 (29 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5273
  • Number of comments : 82
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About LauraTheKiwi : HOLLAAAAAAAAAAAA:)

LauraTheKiwi's page activity

Visits<b>dusthar</b> - the 09/18/2016 at 9:59pm<b>tatteredshirt</b> - the 08/21/2016 at 1:22am<b>cats4lyfe</b> - the 06/19/2016 at 6:41am<b>ShockBlast8879</b> - the 05/15/2016 at 8:27pm<b>Vintage_Cola</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 7:23pm<b>valouette</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 4:11pm<b>Princess_Eevee9</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 6:54pm<b>Mr_Guy_Dude</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 2:00am<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 5:01pm<b>ilikeirony</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 9:58am<b>BlazeArmy</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 5:09am<b>rabbi1010</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 5:05pm<b>cryssycakesx3</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 12:56pm<b>nerdtron430</b> - the 04/08/2014 at 2:55pm<b>MaltWarrior</b> - the 02/02/2014 at 6:39pm<b>AquanTheDragon</b> - the 12/03/2013 at 8:10pm<b>WeiXinLun</b> - the 10/25/2013 at 2:23pm<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 10/12/2013 at 11:33am

LauraTheKiwi's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

LauraTheKiwi's favorite FMLs

Today, I polished off the delicious iced gingerbread cookies in the pantry. I'd assumed the little flecks on them were speckles of broken icing, but as I went to throw the cookie bag away, a larva crawled out. The hundreds of flecks were moth eggs. I've been eating the cookies for three days. FML

by Entheatus / 08/10/2009 at 12:25am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, I ran into my new apartment neighbor. She said she could hear me and my girlfriend having wild sex last night. She told me she had always wanted to have a threesome. My new neighbor is as old as my grandma, and even resembles her. I politely declined. FML

by pear8head / 08/08/2009 at 12:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy

Today, I came home at noon from a long night out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and heels. As I walked up to the door and knocked to be let in, the woman whipped around and I figured out who it was. My dad. FML

by superfiedman / 08/04/2009 at 4:40am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I have an option on my phone to postpone the sending of my text messages. I thought it would be cute to send my boyfriend texts saying, " I love you and sweet dreams" every night at midnight for a month. He broke up with me and I can't figure out how to stop the texts. FML

by Optimist / 08/04/2009 at 4:26am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

by jkon / 08/04/2009 at 1:11am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML

by NinjaPanda88 / 08/01/2009 at 3:44am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML

by thesockmancometh / 07/30/2009 at 11:21am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML

by bsaucedo / 07/28/2009 at 1:00am / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my little brother texted me informing me that our father has "become a nudist" since returning home from a month-long trip abroad. I thought he was joking or exaggerating, but when I went over to say hi, the first thing I saw upon walking through the door was my dad's droopy ball sac. FML

by mubaki / 07/24/2009 at 1:07pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML

by Ella / 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was in the living room with my brother and his two older, hot friends when my mother walks out from the toilet and tells me, "Honey, if you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie wipe the seatie." Need I say more? FML

by Mortified / 07/22/2009 at 5:48am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML

by nudie / 07/19/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I checked an old photosharing account. I got a new phone last year and didn't realize all the pictures I took with the new phone would still automatically upload to my account. Unknowingly, I posted naked pics of myself online. Not one of my friends told me. FML

by nudie / 07/19/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone falls silent as my dad begins to pray for our meal. FML

by Churizmo / 07/19/2009 at 2:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, to get back at me for breaking up with him, my ex-boyfriend thought it would be really funny to post semi nude pictures of me on Craigslist. To top it off, he decided to give all 200+ people who responded to my ad my home phone number. I'm getting non-stop calls from horny freaks. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2009 at 2:25pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy