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LauraTheKiwi

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LauraTheKiwi
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 24 June 1987 (26 years)
  • Number of visits : 3020
  • Number of comments : 82
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About LauraTheKiwi : HOLLAAAAAAAAAAAA:)

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LauraTheKiwi's favorite FMLs

Today, I put on my hazard lights, pulled over to the side of the road, and stopped traffic on a busy road to rescue a black cat that had been hit by a car. With everyone watching, I got a towel and slowly approached the cat. It was a garbage bag. FML

Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML

#6435507
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10156) - you deserved it (44865)

On 11/24/2009 at 12:11pm - animals - by yomamma787 - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

#6433881
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37192) - you deserved it (2819)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

#6355609
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12117) - you deserved it (21173)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:01pm - animals - by nycplywood (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had a pig kidney dissection in Biology. I see a 'sack' which appeared to contain a liquid. Being the curious type, I cut open the sack, spraying said liquid over me and my desk. My teacher, after giggling, informed me that the liquid was in fact urine. I was pissed on by a dead pig. FML

#6340257
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10560) - you deserved it (32299)

On 11/17/2009 at 11:12am - misc - by Araya (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, after months of trying to potty train my son, he finally told me he used the potty. I went to the bathroom to check. There was nothing there. So I asked him "Where did you go to the potty?". He then grabbed my hand and took me to the cat's litter box. My son has successfully litter trained himself. FML

#6321583
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24631) - you deserved it (2686)

On 11/16/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - Japan (Okinawa)

Today, I was a TA watching the class take a test. I didn't realize that the projector was still on while I was searching the Internet. They watched me google "chronic itchy anus". FML

#6287129
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9584) - you deserved it (45712)

On 11/13/2009 at 12:47pm - health - by yellowjacket_34 (man) - United States (Montana)

Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

#6118841
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18318) - you deserved it (1657)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by whatthef - United States

Today, while I was getting it on with my girlfriend I accidentally called out "Mom" instead of her name. FML

#5579275
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7969) - you deserved it (34063)

On 10/01/2009 at 1:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

#5463165
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19273) - you deserved it (2732)

On 09/25/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by lone_ranger (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a poem saying "Roses are red, violets are blue, rubbish is dumped and so are you." FML

#5247721
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42963) - you deserved it (3626)

On 09/14/2009 at 5:41am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML

#5054885
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20561) - you deserved it (4908)

On 09/05/2009 at 2:31am - intimacy - by LaurahLunatic (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up in my bunkbed because I thought I was experiencing my first earthquake ever. I jumped out of bed and found that it was just my roomate masturbating in the bottom bunk. It was 6am. FML

#4912906
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40095) - you deserved it (3177)

On 08/29/2009 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Ned (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs, I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex and afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd had great sex also. FML

#4879215
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53282) - you deserved it (3496)

On 08/28/2009 at 7:43am - intimacy - by Phoellie (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

#4730370
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32142) - you deserved it (10104)

On 08/22/2009 at 5:07am - health - by Buggga (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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