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LastFalseApology's FML badges
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LastFalseApology's favorite FMLs
Today, I stood for half an hour in the rain waiting for my bus. As I started to go inside, my bus turned around the corner and splashed water all over me. The bus driver wouldn't let me on the bus because I was soaking wet and I would "mess up the seats". FML
by soaked / 08/31/2009 at 9:05am / United States (Missouri) / Transportation
Today, my mother finally pressured me to wear my old helmet while riding my bike. Halfway through my ride, 3 spiders came crawling out of it and onto my face, causing me to lose control of the bike and crash head-first. FML
by phlyingphuck / 08/31/2009 at 8:44am / United States (Virginia) / Transportation
by Timmah / 08/31/2009 at 1:18am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I was strolling past an old women when from behind she called "can you help me get the rest of the groceries out of the car?" I approached the car, and helped her un-load bags. She began hitting me, screaming "SOMEONE IS STEALING MY THINGS". She was actually asking her son in the car. FML
by LGFLIPSTER / 08/30/2009 at 11:32pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML
by Robbins / 08/30/2009 at 10:51pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by shaggy / 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML
by lily / 08/30/2009 at 4:17pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was on the phone with my little sister as she explained that all these guys like her now that she's so skinny and beautiful. My mom must have overheard me tell my sister that at least I was a cuter child, because my mom laughed and said, "Yeah right, we had to buy you fat kid diapers." FML
by fattie4life / 07/20/2009 at 6:33pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by FlowerPower / 07/20/2009 at 5:32pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, during some previews before the new Harry Potter movie, a guy stood up and led the audience in an enthusiastic and rather successful chant "H-A-R-R-Y!". Minutes later when I attempted to do the same thing, I was pelted with half-full bags of popcorn, freezing sodas, and booing. FML
by Chelsea / 07/20/2009 at 1:54am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by pyrosythan / 07/20/2009 at 1:40am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went into a restaurant and sat at a bar near three guys who appeared to be 19 or 20. They did not acknowledge me. 15 minutes later, my burger arrived. They all ran over to ask me about it. I haven't been hit on in months. My cheeseburger is more attractive to men than I am. FML
by Tasty / 07/19/2009 at 6:02pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I went out to a nice restaurant with my extended family. It was expensive, and when the bill came, I whispered to my brother, "We may need to make this one a Chew and Screw". When the waitress came back to the table, my five year old son decided to ask aloud "What's Chew and Screw?". FML
by bigdaddy / 07/15/2009 at 11:53pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I was walking to my mailbox and I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9am" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I am still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML
by notwasted39 / 07/13/2009 at 12:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
Today, my mum called and told me she had bought me a new, white dish washer for my apartment because it doesn't have one. I was SO excited and told her I'd pay her back as soon as I could. I only had to pay her $1.25. She bought me a sponge. FML
by thanksalot / 07/10/2009 at 9:09pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money