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LastFalseApology's FML badges
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LastFalseApology's favorite FMLs
Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML
by for shite's sake / 01/17/2015 at 5:24pm / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Transportation
by SilverZephyr / 01/16/2015 at 7:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by whoops.. / 01/15/2015 at 10:15pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in a store when a child looked at me and said to his mother "look at that tall man!" His mother replied "he's an evil giant isn't he, darling?" I then mimed being an evil giant to make the kid laugh. His mother slapped me. FML
by cganon / 09/21/2010 at 8:44am / United Kingdom / Kids
Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2009 at 5:58am / New Zealand (Otago) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally got the courage to go up and ask out the girl I have loved for a couple of months now. After she said yes, I was over the moon and ran home to tell my roommate. The next day, I saw her making out with another man. When I confronted her, she said "Oh, you were serious yesterday?" FML
by lovesucks / 09/01/2009 at 8:52am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
Today, I was at work. I'm a sign spinner. Lots of other employees shares stories of how they have been flashed by 18 year old hot chicks as they drive by. I got flashed by a 45 year old, 300lbs lady. FML
by spinner / 09/01/2009 at 7:44am / United States (Tennessee) / Work
Today, I told the guy I have been sort of dating that I want to connect emotionally before sleeping with him. He told me that he already had an emotional connection with his fiancée and was only interested in sleeping with me. FML
by MenSuck / 08/31/2009 at 11:56pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML
by SaMike / 08/31/2009 at 9:12pm / United States (South Dakota) / Love
Today, I was hanging out with a group of friends when I got into a conversation with this really attractive girl who I've liked for months. She asked me what school I go to. I sit to her left in biology. FML
by outofluckdude / 08/31/2009 at 8:40pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
by beya / 08/31/2009 at 6:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I found some .pdf files on my wife's computer. They were forms that had been filled out except for the date and the "reason" section. They were divorce papers. When confronted about it she said, "Well, if you piss me off really bad, I want to write down why before I calm down." FML
by UNmarried / 08/31/2009 at 2:10pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love
Today, my friend got a babysitter for the kids and told me she was taking me to a party. My son told me his band was playing at a party. I will be 40 tomorrow, so I thought this would be the best surprise birthday party ever. It WAS a surprise birthday party – for a friend of ours. FML
by kelkline / 08/31/2009 at 12:45pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Bee / 08/31/2009 at 12:28pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hurrying for the bus home from work. It was raining and I had my umbrella up. As I hurried by two women, I felt my umbrella hit one of them on the head. I turned to apologise and saw her standing with her hands on her newly bald head. My umbrella had lifted her wig off her head. FML
by Karen / 08/31/2009 at 10:48am / United Kingdom (London) / Transportation
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…