Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Lanker

Online | Search for a member

Lanker

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 27 November 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 794
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About Lanker : I like doggies. Nuff said.

Lanker's page activity

Visits<b>Fiorella1</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 4:26pm<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 12:47am<b>tabbycat2007</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 12:20am<b>hashbrown97</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 9:41am<b>devildog562</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 5:28pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/01/2015 at 8:00am<b>captain_crook</b> - the 05/31/2015 at 10:10pm<b>Clay_Pidgeon</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 11:48pm<b>littlepiglola</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 11:38pm<b>bigdog80</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 10:49pm<b>Etched</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 10:36pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 10:05am<b>frenchie2000</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 6:05pm<b>MSCCG</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 8:12pm<b>arricius</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 11:50pm<b>dbt88</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 3:02am<b>HannaMD</b> - the 02/04/2015 at 4:29pm<b>fatkidfalling</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 12:19am

Fucked!<b>hashbrown97</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 10:54am<b>jadefire15</b> - the 01/05/2015 at 1:54am<b>MrSassypants</b> - the 12/10/2014 at 5:20pm

Lanker's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of Lanker's badges

Lanker's favorite FMLs

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

#21441357
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23679) - you deserved it (19493)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:03am - intimacy - by EternalBlossom (woman) - United States

Today, while at my shitty, minimum wage job at McDonalds, a guy walked out of the bathroom. He said "Good luck in there." worriedly, then left. I don't know if it was his handiwork, but it looked like a shit grenade had detonated. It was even on the walls. FML

#21439774
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26639) - you deserved it (1823)

On 07/10/2015 at 10:20pm - work - by don't get paid enough for this (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, it's my birthday. I had asked my parents for a keyboard, and I was really excited to open the massive box they gave me. It was a computer keyboard. I've been playing piano for 11 years. FML

#21428456
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28197) - you deserved it (4032)

On 06/19/2015 at 4:37am - misc - by THANKS - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML

#21392651
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28651) - you deserved it (2372)

On 04/12/2015 at 10:51pm - misc - by mademoiselle meurtre (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

#21365639
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29651) - you deserved it (3080)

On 03/01/2015 at 1:05am - misc - by mszoe - United States (California)

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

#21292770
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36569) - you deserved it (2434)

On 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by spooked - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41394) - you deserved it (12419)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35193) - you deserved it (3338)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40521) - you deserved it (6147)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

#21184387
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62672) - you deserved it (8920)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by possibly fucked (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

#21133607
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40209) - you deserved it (5899)

On 05/07/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by BaggedDown (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

#21078055
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51259) - you deserved it (6229)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by cockfist (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

#21053668
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44277) - you deserved it (9493)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm - love - by mariana (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

#20830594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42326) - you deserved it (4909)

On 08/10/2013 at 11:23am - health - by Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

#20678725
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44374) - you deserved it (2620)

On 05/21/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by pianoplayer (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: