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Lanker

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Lanker

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 27 November 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 348
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About Lanker : I like doggies. Nuff said.

Lanker's page activity

Visits<b>AnnaDeWitt</b> - 7 hours ago<b>enddmd</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 7:37pm<b>hard_candy</b> - the 11/23/2014 at 5:08pm<b>NessieMonster188</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 10:27pm<b>Etched</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 9:34pm<b>mmcewen</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 8:46pm<b>quiet_storm09</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 3:15pm<b>missa8604</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 7:56am<b>Miizuo</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 3:01am<b>LiveLifeAllDay</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 5:58pm<b>an3ph</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 12:40am<b>quickit</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 6:57pm<b>MrConcise</b> - the 11/13/2014 at 6:12pm<b>KittyCatVargas</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 8:20pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 11/12/2014 at 12:32pm<b>stronghand0331</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 1:06am<b>JuliusSeizure</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 1:33pm<b>Suchadiva</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 12:47pm

Lanker's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of Lanker's badges

Lanker's favorite FMLs

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

#21292770
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35778) - you deserved it (2189)

On 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by spooked - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36444) - you deserved it (10011)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35069) - you deserved it (3322)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40298) - you deserved it (6121)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

#21184387
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57647) - you deserved it (7994)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by possibly fucked (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

#21133607
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38351) - you deserved it (5660)

On 05/07/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by BaggedDown (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

#21078055
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49708) - you deserved it (6066)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by cockfist (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I decided to ask the guy I like if he'll be my Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML

#21053668
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44068) - you deserved it (9463)

On 02/07/2014 at 7:18pm - love - by mariana (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

#20678725
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42377) - you deserved it (2479)

On 05/21/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by pianoplayer (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

#20555528
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40962) - you deserved it (6079)

On 03/22/2013 at 8:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML

#19517929
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22164) - you deserved it (2429)

On 04/23/2012 at 6:41pm - misc - by beleria (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML

#19270252
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30103) - you deserved it (7443)

On 03/13/2012 at 8:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

#18671217
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46788) - you deserved it (3239)

On 01/01/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my girlfriend's overprotective parents decided that I'm a bad influence on their daughter. I'm a straight A engineering student who openly speaks out against drugs, alcohol, and discrimination. Their reason? Someone told them I dyed my hair black. They think I'm a "closet Nazi". FML

#17197650
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42258) - you deserved it (3730)

On 07/21/2011 at 12:10am - love - by rbeast (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

#8158295
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30265) - you deserved it (2304)

On 02/12/2010 at 2:51am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)



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