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Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9416) - you totally deserved it (23263)
On 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by ooops (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7315) - you totally deserved it (27356)
On 08/21/2009 at 1:18am - kids - by Mak10 (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, as a supervisor at a water park, several clients came up to me and complained about a topless girl in our wave pool. I found the girl, called her out, and politely told her that she was not allowed in the pool without a top. "She" was a fat 15 year old boy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36254) - you totally deserved it (4222)
On 08/12/2009 at 4:13pm - misc - by auslander (man) - Switzerland (Zurich)
Today, while walking through the park, a little boy came running up to me and hit me in the nuts with a stick. I fell on the ground and looked up just in time to see his mom giving him the thumbs up with a smile on her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38138) - you totally deserved it (2284)
On 07/23/2009 at 3:10am - kids - by bbbkingsey (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was at a Starbucks drive-thru and was grabbing a hot coffee when I got rear ended and my car hit the vehicle in front of me which deployed my airbag. Hot coffee can really burn when it hits your face at a high rate of speed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37130) - you totally deserved it (1939)
On 07/19/2009 at 3:25am - health - by coffeeburns (man) - United States
Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37991) - you totally deserved it (1005)
On 07/12/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I decided to get back into shape and go for a run. With a 1/4 mile left to run, I saw a hot chick a block ahead of me running. Trying to show off I ran hard and passed her stopping just outside my complex. I started to throw up right as she came past me because I had run so hard to pass her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5300) - you totally deserved it (38177)
On 07/07/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by DMO (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, my dad told me he knew exactly where to poke me in the stomach to make me have instant diarrhea. I joked and said I didn't believe him. I am now stuck cleaning shit out of my favorite jeans. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33736) - you totally deserved it (9038)
On 07/05/2009 at 1:57pm - health - by Stupido (man) - United States (California)
Today, at work, a woman came up to the counter and asked if we made sweet and sour chicken. Before I could answer, she told me a really long recipe and said "I expect to see this on the menu next time I come in, or I will complain to the manager about your lousy work ethic". I work at Starbucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40891) - you totally deserved it (1555)
On 07/05/2009 at 1:21am - work - by Barista (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my mom put some bubblewrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31523) - you totally deserved it (12861)
On 06/26/2009 at 2:13am - misc - by Jeweler (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37548) - you totally deserved it (4525)
On 06/13/2009 at 8:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, while powerwashing my deck, a bee flew and landed on my leg. Thinking I'll just wash it away before it stings me, I aimed the powerwasher nozzle at the bee. A bee sting isn't nearly as painful as powerwashing your leg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6978) - you totally deserved it (51318)
On 05/10/2009 at 4:39pm - work - by jokada (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65369) - you totally deserved it (3401)
On 03/24/2009 at 1:44am - intimacy - by proudestmonkey (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18087) - you totally deserved it (26235)
On 03/06/2009 at 1:53pm - work - by Can't Spell Worth A Damn (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "nigger." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML
I agree, your life sucks (168745) - you totally deserved it (13561)
On 01/31/2009 at 6:40am - misc - by iloveapples - United States (Connecticut)
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