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Offline (the 12/02/2016 at 4:40am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1893
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Lacalema : 42!!

I'm a professional sand sculptor. The third picture is of me at my first competition, 8 years ago. Best job ever, I get to play in sand all day.

If I commented, I was drunk. I'm way to shy to say anything sober.

It looks like I'm a profile stalker but really I just click to see a big version of your picture. I only use the app.

Lacalema's page activity

Visits<b>Mons</b> - the 07/16/2016 at 10:24pm<b>MetalxSoldier</b> - the 07/16/2016 at 3:25pm<b>Jezterking</b> - the 07/15/2016 at 11:14pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 10:30am<b>sdlr32787</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 4:38pm<b>avaria</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 1:20pm<b>crazy_bananas</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 2:53am<b>thatguy221</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 2:38am<b>PuckYouToTheFace</b> - the 04/10/2016 at 2:07am<b>Elijah0</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 4:38pm<b>Skycop_S</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 7:10am<b>aznboi415</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 3:58am<b>Hop6e</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 1:50am<b>agostina_mc</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 10:04pm<b>swaglesshipster</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 10:59am<b>ComoEsJuan</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 11:16am<b>ACASEOFU</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 2:55am<b>Steve97</b> - the 02/28/2016 at 9:00am

Fucked!<b>crazy_bananas</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 8:53am<b>Skycop_S</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 12:10pm<b>PuckYouToTheFace</b> - the 03/11/2016 at 11:15am<b>Hop6e</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 7:50am<b>ComoEsJuan</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 5:16pm<b>Montiphelia</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 6:01am<b>EvilLittleMan</b> - the 01/30/2016 at 5:07am<b>Crazion</b> - the 01/26/2016 at 6:43pm<b>shanewh40</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 9:14pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 12/18/2015 at 3:53am<b>DA3Z</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 1:55pm<b>BlueHorizons</b> - the 09/23/2015 at 8:54am<b>olpally</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 11:21pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 2:18pm<b>AHzulu</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 10:58pm<b>clairesucks</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 12:58pm<b>irish_lad</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 11:03am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 12:43pm

Lacalema's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of Lacalema's badges

Lacalema's favorite FMLs

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

by awkward / 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

by Oh-Shit! / 08/10/2013 at 11:23am / United States / Health

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

by juvenile friends suck / 01/10/2013 at 3:52pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Intimacy

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

by catdog / 01/02/2013 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

by Rhine / 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm / Barbados (Saint Michael) / Love

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

by Andrew / 10/30/2012 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

by fiftyno / 10/01/2012 at 11:02am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, after months of believing my marriage has been better than ever, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with our neighbor. I can't afford to move, and I have to see the fake-titted homewrecker every day. FML

by sucker / 09/26/2012 at 1:07pm / United States (Vermont) / Love

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

by AGeeksWife / 09/12/2012 at 3:03am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2012 at 4:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

by twiggy24 / 02/04/2012 at 9:51pm / United States (Kentucky) / Money

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2011 at 5:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

by Aly / 12/09/2011 at 10:40am / United States / Intimacy