About Lacalema : 42!!
I'm a professional sand sculptor. The third picture is of me at my first competition, 8 years ago. Best job ever, I get to play in sand all day.
If I commented, I was drunk. I'm way to shy to say anything sober.
It looks like I'm a profile stalker but really I just click to see a big version of your picture. I only use the app.
About Lacalema : 42!!
Lacalema's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
Lacalema's favorite FMLs
by awkward / 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML
by Oh-Shit! / 08/10/2013 at 11:23am / United States / Health
Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML
by juvenile friends suck / 01/10/2013 at 3:52pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Intimacy
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
by catdog / 01/02/2013 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML
by Rhine / 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm / Barbados (Saint Michael) / Love
by Andrew / 10/30/2012 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by fiftyno / 10/01/2012 at 11:02am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, after months of believing my marriage has been better than ever, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with our neighbor. I can't afford to move, and I have to see the fake-titted homewrecker every day. FML
by sucker / 09/26/2012 at 1:07pm / United States (Vermont) / Love
Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML
by AGeeksWife / 09/12/2012 at 3:03am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML
by Anonymous / 02/09/2012 at 4:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML
by twiggy24 / 02/04/2012 at 9:51pm / United States (Kentucky) / Money
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
by aliezzedine / 02/02/2012 at 6:32am / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML
by Anonymous / 12/16/2011 at 5:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
by Aly / 12/09/2011 at 10:40am / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, at my job as a cashier, a very old man came through my checkout. His purchase consisted of a… Today, my aunt had the wonderful experience of hearing my boyfriend and I have a very "satisfying"… Today, while enjoying a truly epic move from my wife in the hotel shower, I managed to accidentally…