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Lacalema

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Lacalema
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 263
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Lacalema : 42!!


If I commented, I was drunk. I'm way to shy to say anything sober.


It looks like I'm a profile stalker but really I just click to see a big version of your picture. I only use the app.

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Lacalema's favorite FMLs

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

#20947922
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40997) - you deserved it (3676)

On 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm - misc - by awkward - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

#20830594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40218) - you deserved it (4659)

On 08/10/2013 at 11:23am - health - by Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

#20452044
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34698) - you deserved it (5892)

On 01/10/2013 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by juvenile friends suck (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

#20437796
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33554) - you deserved it (3611)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

#20402533
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24711) - you deserved it (11926)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8979) - you deserved it (37159)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23373) - you deserved it (2951)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

#20096658
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24433) - you deserved it (3260)

On 10/01/2012 at 11:02am - love - by fiftyno (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after months of believing my marriage has been better than ever, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with our neighbor. I can't afford to move, and I have to see the fake-titted homewrecker every day. FML

#20089553
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22112) - you deserved it (1413)

On 09/26/2012 at 1:07pm - love - by sucker (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

#20068529
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21719) - you deserved it (3434)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:03am - kids - by AGeeksWife (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML

#19035174
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26447) - you deserved it (15101)

On 02/09/2012 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that my "cash back rewards" for credit card purchases are mailed with the monthly statement. The same monthly statement that goes straight into the shredder or fireplace because I prefer to do my banking online. FML

#18996100
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5870) - you deserved it (33570)

On 02/04/2012 at 9:51pm - money - by twiggy24 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

#18974920
215 comments

Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML

#18529063
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22429) - you deserved it (3406)

On 12/16/2011 at 5:02pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

#18467751
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40316) - you deserved it (4928)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States



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