Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Lacalema

Offline (the 05/03/2015 at 6:17am) | Search for a member

Lacalema

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 943
  • Number of comments : 16
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Lacalema : 42!!


If I commented, I was drunk. I'm way to shy to say anything sober.


It looks like I'm a profile stalker but really I just click to see a big version of your picture. I only use the app.

Lacalema's page activity

Visits<b>havahnegila</b> - yesterday at 12:58am<b>irish_lad</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 5:03am<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 4:36am<b>Cads1</b> - the 04/30/2015 at 8:57pm<b>Andrewski12</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 6:39am<b>annarcheer</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 9:05pm<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 7:43am<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 04/10/2015 at 6:40pm<b>Ilikepie82479</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 1:10am<b>martin8337</b> - the 03/21/2015 at 7:49pm<b>missa8604</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 10:46pm<b>Gordon_Fung</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 4:43pm<b>EmoKami</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 8:43pm<b>DolphinLaser23</b> - the 02/11/2015 at 7:22am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 02/08/2015 at 10:28pm<b>foxwasalamb</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 12:17am<b>17031990</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 2:35pm<b>MlleCerise</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 8:37am

Fucked!<b>irish_lad</b> - the 05/04/2015 at 11:03am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 12:43pm

Lacalema's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of Lacalema's badges

Lacalema's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML

#21316987
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32764) - you deserved it (2537)

On 12/13/2014 at 9:02pm - misc - by ashamed (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

#21212155
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49762) - you deserved it (6392)

On 07/17/2014 at 7:32pm - animals - by kittynapper - United States (Colorado)

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

#21184387
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62501) - you deserved it (8908)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by possibly fucked (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

#21171240
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50219) - you deserved it (7645)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47144) - you deserved it (6130)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

#20947922
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44383) - you deserved it (4046)

On 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm - misc - by awkward - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

#20830594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42261) - you deserved it (4902)

On 08/10/2013 at 11:23am - health - by Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

#20452044
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36482) - you deserved it (6099)

On 01/10/2013 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by juvenile friends suck (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

#20437796
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39966) - you deserved it (4202)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

#20402533
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27349) - you deserved it (12908)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10327) - you deserved it (40802)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28040) - you deserved it (3437)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

#20096658
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26744) - you deserved it (3500)

On 10/01/2012 at 11:02am - love - by fiftyno (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after months of believing my marriage has been better than ever, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with our neighbor. I can't afford to move, and I have to see the fake-titted homewrecker every day. FML

#20089553
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29661) - you deserved it (2171)

On 09/26/2012 at 1:07pm - love - by sucker (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

#20068529
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25515) - you deserved it (3820)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:03am - kids - by AGeeksWife (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



FML's blog

  • Essa's illustrated FML
  • Yesterday was labor day in the US. FML is international, and and specifically US-centric, but we still sat around doing nothing because we'll take any excuse to do anything. We'll endorse any national…

Friday 1 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: