Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Lacalema

Search for a member

Lacalema

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 377
  • Number of comments : 15
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Lacalema : 42!!


If I commented, I was drunk. I'm way to shy to say anything sober.


It looks like I'm a profile stalker but really I just click to see a big version of your picture. I only use the app.

Lacalema's page activity

Visits<b>PrimeEvilTahir</b> - yesterday at 6:20pm<b>jack_jill05</b> - yesterday at 9:30am<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 11:49am<b>katydid91</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 11:10am<b>football98</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 2:58pm<b>tazmanmike2013</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 2:23am<b>andy594328</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 11:20pm<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 2:23am<b>RedPillSucks</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 1:59pm<b>DriAA7</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 11:50pm<b>EmsyyyRose13</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 3:12am<b>tangerine06</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 12:17am<b>ComradeNeal</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 7:12am<b>troydeluca</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 7:26am<b>gay_flavored_cx</b> - the 05/27/2014 at 2:24pm<b>Liamj774</b> - the 05/15/2014 at 6:57am<b>z0mBi3kiTTy</b> - the 05/13/2014 at 12:22am<b>boostedc</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 12:52am

Lacalema's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of Lacalema's badges

Lacalema's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML

#21212155
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46318) - you deserved it (5757)

On 07/17/2014 at 7:32pm - animals - by kittynapper - United States (Colorado)

Today, my wife bought a strap-on. I'm about fifty miles beyond terrified. FML

#21184387
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54594) - you deserved it (7694)

On 06/22/2014 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by possibly fucked (man) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

#21171240
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45026) - you deserved it (6824)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46543) - you deserved it (6071)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

#20947922
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42547) - you deserved it (3854)

On 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm - misc - by awkward - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while at a private lake, my colon declared a state of evacuation. I ventured as far from my family as my sphincter would allow, only to make eye contact with two very horrified kayakers mid-explosion. FML

#20830594
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41978) - you deserved it (4882)

On 08/10/2013 at 11:23am - health - by Oh-Shit! - United States

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

#20452044
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36141) - you deserved it (6074)

On 01/10/2013 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by juvenile friends suck (man) - Germany (Schleswig-Holstein)

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

#20437796
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37670) - you deserved it (4000)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

#20402533
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27043) - you deserved it (12824)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10177) - you deserved it (40486)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26812) - you deserved it (3316)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

#20096658
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26309) - you deserved it (3478)

On 10/01/2012 at 11:02am - love - by fiftyno (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after months of believing my marriage has been better than ever, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with our neighbor. I can't afford to move, and I have to see the fake-titted homewrecker every day. FML

#20089553
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28032) - you deserved it (2038)

On 09/26/2012 at 1:07pm - love - by sucker (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

#20068529
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23619) - you deserved it (3634)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:03am - kids - by AGeeksWife (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while sitting on the toilet, I noticed there was no toilet paper left, so I dug through my purse to use my one and only pad as a substitute. It clogged the toilet, and I started my period ten minutes later. FML

#19035174
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30845) - you deserved it (17235)

On 02/09/2012 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: