Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (yesterday at 10:32am) | Search for a member
This member hasn't filled in the description.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times he told me "Why it feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence when he then replied with "I'm not gay I swear." FML
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML
Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML
Today, my boss requested that I re-organize every file in the office, because she wanted the filing cabinets alphabetized right to left, not left to right. To thank me, she came into my office to give me one uncooked ear of corn. I think my boss has mistaken me for some kind of farm animal. FML
Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. FML
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
Friday 30 January 2015