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Today, my condo board refused to lift the new policy requiring pet owners to carry dogs in common areas because someone's dog is peeing in the hall. I can't physically carry my two dogs, so I'm now forced to wheel them through the building in a borrowed baby stroller. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14534) - you totally deserved it (1608)
On 11/18/2009 at 4:50am - misc - by Slivered - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got a letter in the mail saying I'm being sued by the guy that broke into my house last week. When I walked in and saw him, I tackled him, punched him in the face a time or two, and restrained him with zip ties. I now have to pay for his broken nose and face charges of assault. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27957) - you totally deserved it (2104)
On 11/07/2009 at 12:01pm - misc - by ShouldHaveLetHimTakeTheTV (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my boyfriend's head was on my lap. I bent down to kiss him. My stomach rolls got there first. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11966) - you totally deserved it (28769)
On 10/04/2009 at 5:40pm - love - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today while cleaning up I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29849) - you totally deserved it (1851) - moderated and selected by Kevin Nealon
On 10/01/2009 at 6:31pm - misc - by Ouchies (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36769) - you totally deserved it (1606)
On 09/13/2009 at 5:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27500) - you totally deserved it (2126)
On 09/02/2009 at 4:07pm - work - by iceman123432 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out that when you chase a couple of squirrels off your porch for irritating your dogs, sometimes they chase you back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23560) - you totally deserved it (8958)
On 08/09/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (39339) - you totally deserved it (8086)
On 08/02/2009 at 12:21am - love - by thefailure (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, a friend offered to have sex with me, since I'm a 19 year old virgin who's only been kissed. He then added on that I would have to give him my Wii in return. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31818) - you totally deserved it (3923) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 11:52am - intimacy - by VelocityMary (woman) - United States
Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27255) - you totally deserved it (3878)
On 07/20/2009 at 2:45pm - kids - by Pooperscooper - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, I realized my new kitten is the spawn of the devil. It decided to go get itself stuck in a tree. I tried to climb up to rescue it. But it kept climbing higher. I was about to grab the cat when I fell. The cat then jumped down and started purring. FML
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On 07/13/2009 at 11:03pm - misc - by WearingOff (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I learned that "Officer, I do not consent to any searches" means "Officer, please handcuff me, I am trying to be difficult" in cop speak. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31721) - you totally deserved it (13068)
On 07/12/2009 at 4:59am - misc - by whatrights - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend, who never initiates sex, pulled me into my room and onto my bed with kisses and other seductive behavior. As I'm thinking about how awesome it is that's she's doing this for once, she reaches down, grabs my underwear, and gives me the worst wedgie I've ever received. FML
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On 07/12/2009 at 1:38am - intimacy - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)
Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML
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On 07/11/2009 at 5:10am - work - by grannysmack (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
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On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
