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Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4307) - you totally deserved it (11155)
On 10/08/2009 at 12:32pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my fiance was performing oral on me. I was really getting into it, when I heard him start making a "Waka waka waka waka" noise. When asked, he confessed to pretending to be Pacman. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9618) - you totally deserved it (2157)
On 10/03/2009 at 9:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I left home to start my new life at University. Saying goodbye to my mother, the last thing she said to me was "Don't turn gay". I'm gay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32952) - you totally deserved it (6062)
On 09/30/2009 at 5:31am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year old son came up to me and asked if he can "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereals. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
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On 09/30/2009 at 1:17am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today I went to a school committee meeting. I sat opposite my boyfriend. To get his attention I began stroking his crotch area with my leg. The principal stood up 5 minutes later pulling me under the table. My tights were caught in his zipper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3184) - you totally deserved it (12748)
On 09/29/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by clumssyXO (woman) - Hungary (Veszprem)
Today, my little sister asked what masturbation was. We where having a family dinner with my grandparents. My mother then said, "Why don't you ask your brother? He is a pro." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13013) - you totally deserved it (2868)
On 09/28/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by namhtor (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, the subway was extremely crowded and I ended up with my butt in a man's crotch. I kept trying to inch away or turn a different way, but there was no room. He could have turned to face the doors, but didn't. He got an erection. I was on there with him for 20 minutes. FML
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On 09/26/2009 at 2:21pm - misc - by grossgross (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40912) - you totally deserved it (1071)
On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I was home alone, and decided to do some naked cleaning just because I could. After half an hour of liberating nakie-dusting, I turn around to see my boyfriend and his best friend gaping at me open mouthed. His older brother however gave a creepy smile and the thumbs up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8307) - you totally deserved it (24442)
On 09/23/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by DusterOverBits (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20075) - you totally deserved it (4797)
On 09/22/2009 at 9:10pm - love - by cchandler (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML
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On 09/11/2009 at 2:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, for the first time in about 3 years, I decided to clean my car. It was going really well until I looked down at what I was about to pick up. On the back seat floor lay a dead snake, which at one point, for god knows how long, was living in my car while I unknowningly drove it. FML
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On 08/24/2009 at 12:49am - misc - by snakeboy (man) - Australia (South Australia)
Today, in Burger King, I was leaning against the railing looking at the menu. I saw an old man using the rail to walk, so I got out of the way. He ran his hand across my back and said "You're so cute, I'd like to take you home and lock you in my basement naked so you can't leave" and walked out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35814) - you totally deserved it (1491)
On 08/21/2009 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I saw my ex-boyfriend at the mall, kissing another man. His partner got up and went to the bathroom, so I went up to my ex. I told him I didn't know he was gay, and he just smiled politely. Then his partner came out and I recognized him as my current boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48970) - you totally deserved it (4126)
On 08/20/2009 at 2:45pm - love - by Lil (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML
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On 08/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by demk (woman) - United States (New York)
