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Offline (the 12/08/2015 at 10:38am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 6 November 1990 (26 years old)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 1384
  • Number of comments : 40
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About KoalaBek : I'm a full time professional cynic. If I were an animal I'd be a Binturong. I may be the reincarnation of Martha Stewart. Yes I am aware she's not dead.

KoalaBek's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 5:03pm<b>minxchi</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 12:05am<b>bigwell</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 8:58pm<b>Seashells77</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 10:07pm<b>SpawnofAthena</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 9:21pm<b>TSFboy</b> - the 01/13/2016 at 11:09am<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 10:48pm<b>RA91</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 2:17am<b>captain_mal</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 1:03am<b>DA_JUDGE123</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 11:57pm<b>muh_rea</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 11:16pm<b>LPac5295</b> - the 12/09/2015 at 8:40am<b>Kuibe</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 12:40pm<b>DerBuchmacher</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 12:14pm<b>hadenator96</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 11:28am<b>sarika</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 9:38am<b>ManUtdFan743</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 8:44am<b>johnny29</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 8:35am

Fucked!<b>bigwell</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 2:59am<b>Seashells77</b> - the 03/04/2016 at 4:07am<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 4:48am<b>RA91</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 8:17am<b>johnny29</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 2:35pm<b>tiger820</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 12:17pm<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 10:54am<b>jolaurr</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 2:46pm<b>pl0xs3rver</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 6:49pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 2:11am

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Santa Claus

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KoalaBek's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2015 at 11:05am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend found out that male goats will stick their tongues out, snort, and garble at female goats in heat. Now he's doing it to me at all manner of times, sound effects and all. I now know why goats ram their heads into things repeatedly. FML

by StillnothowIimaginedmydaygoing / 10/14/2015 at 12:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

by not impressed / 10/09/2015 at 2:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I saw my ex boyfriend walking down the street in my direction. I've put on a bunch of weight since we broke up, so I turned to look in the nearest shop window, hoping he wouldn't notice. Unfortunately he did see me, looking straight at a KFC. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2015 at 8:16am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Love

Today, I spent an hour trying to sleep before work, but I couldn't because my two dogs wouldn't stop barking. Completely pissed off, I finally went and told the little fuck nuggets to shut the shit up. I was then immediately knocked unconscious by the burglar in my house. FML

by SilentSin / 08/24/2015 at 10:02pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was lying on a couch, reading, when I noticed a spindly leg poking round the corner of my book. Upon realising it was a spider, I calmly and rationally threw my book across the room, breaking the TV. FML

by Annie / 08/24/2015 at 4:46am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

by oh no / 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

by fuck right off / 04/04/2015 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Health

Today, my coworker said that she suddenly got the shivers. I jokingly told her that it meant she must be being watched by a dead person and made stupid ghost noises. She then told me it was the anniversary of her dad's death and burst into tears. FML

by pinecones / 02/02/2015 at 9:25am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

by con135 / 01/12/2015 at 8:16pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

by PO'd big bro / 01/12/2015 at 8:11pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

by Degueusement / 08/18/2014 at 12:48am / Intimacy

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

by weirded out / 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Work