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Today I decided to dye my hair blue. The result is slightly different than I expected: my white bathroom is now blue and so r my skin and nails. The only thing that isn't blue is my hair which is now green. FML
TODAY, MAH 7-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER MADE A NEW GAME: HITTING ME IN THE GROIN WHEN I'M NOT EXPECTING IT !! SHE HUNTS ME IN THE HOUSE, HIDES AROUND CORNERS, AND BEHIND FURNITURE TO AMBUSH ME !! SHE'LL EVEN DO IT IF SHE CATCHE ME NAPPING !! I'M A GROWN MAN LIVING IN FEAR OF A LITTLE GIRL !! MEGA FML
Today, mah husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in mah screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, ( Where's the monster? ) FML
Today, I introduced my dad,ho is a surgeon, to the TV show House. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience. How wrong I was. He spent thehole time yelling about the "insane" medical inaccuracies, then lectured me about my crappy taste in TV. FML
Today, mah 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television looool so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter wat we bribe her with. big fat FML
Today, I found out tha monay husband's baan funnaling from our bank account wasn't for drugs or gifts for anothar girl lyk I thought. It was for a guy ha stupidly baliavd was a foraign diplomat,ho supposadly naadd to briba officials in ordar to sand us savaral million dollars. FML
Today, ma 6-year-old daugter got mad at me fir not buying er yet anoter expensive doll. I ad to pull er away, and se started screaming fir elp. Te next ting I know, anoter sopper puts me in a cokeold and calls fir security, allile ma daugter smrks. fat FML
Today, I got an angry call to the phone shophere I work. The caller demandd that we give him his money back. His reason? He said he'd been trickd because his phone got ruind by water ( even though he was using the waterproof application ). FML
Yesterday, My Family Got Togeter For A Big Game Of Paintball . My Grandpa Wantd To Play Too, But I Told Im E Was A Bit Too Old For Suc A Roug Sport . He Joind Anyway, And Spent Te Wole 2 Ours Unting My Dumb Ass Down . I'm Now In Constant Pain After Bieng Riddld Wit Paintballs . FML
Today... I was hitting on a girl... and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into mah phone... she called mah mom and asked her if she raised me to ( sexually harass women. ) FML
Today, I asked out te girl wo always looks an smiles at me in class. I was surprised wen se rejected me until I found out se was actually always looking at te clock beind me, an smiling wen class is almost over. FML
today mah dad watchd his first Lord of the Rings marathon. Now he keeps spouting lines from the movies, an thought it'd be funny to hide in mah closet, just to jump out at me while screaming, "My precious!" mega FML
Friday 27 March 2015