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Today, I decided to get back into shape and go for a run. With a 1/4 mile left to run, I saw a hot chick a block ahead of me running. Trying to show off I ran hard and passed her stopping just outside my complex. I started to throw up right as she came past me because I had run so hard to pass her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5299) - you totally deserved it (38175)
On 07/07/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by DMO (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, through AIM, I told my ex boyfriend that I still have really deep feelings for him. The message I sent him was really long and took me almost an hour to write. His response? "Dun dun dunnn, the plot thickens!" Then he signed off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33667) - you totally deserved it (16702)
On 07/07/2009 at 12:04am - love - by Ferthington (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was was leaving the library when I noticed an elderly woman being mugged. I was about to leave on my bike, but promptly went to help her. After I managed to scare off the mugger, I helped her to her car. As I was heading back to my bike, I notice the mugger riding off on it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41476) - you totally deserved it (2290)
Today, I met a cute girl at a dance club. I entered her number in my phone just before she left the club. With a proud smile, I turned the screen towards my buddy, showing off my accomplishment. Attempting to give me a friendly pat he accidentally closed my phone. I hadn't saved the number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26391) - you totally deserved it (9224)
On 06/13/2009 at 10:24pm - misc - by philderichmond (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at the cafeteria of my school with my boyfriend and he dumped me. I was kinda expecting it. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd start running in front of everyone, screaming "FREEEEEEEEEDOM!" at the top of his lungs and that he'd kiss the first random girl he saw. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50232) - you totally deserved it (4440)
On 06/12/2009 at 2:39am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40259) - you totally deserved it (6435)
On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML
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On 06/09/2009 at 4:39am - health - by fatty (woman) - Germany (Hessen)
Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4914) - you totally deserved it (68295)
On 06/07/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, while running on the treadmill at the gym, the girl next to me slipped and went flying back against the wall. Indecisive whether to get off and help her or to just keep going, I lost my focus and footing and flew back next to her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31728) - you totally deserved it (13298)
On 06/05/2009 at 1:03am - health - by NoPainNoGain (man) - United States (California)
Today, while taking a drug test for a volunteer job, I found out that I have a "shy bladder". It took me ages to pee into a cup. I was congratulated and clapped for by complete strangers when I finally left for taking a piss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30064) - you totally deserved it (2331)
On 06/03/2009 at 4:06pm - work - by peeepeee. - United States (Ohio)
Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33439) - you totally deserved it (9818)
On 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm - kids - by psychortiz (man) - United States (California)
Today, it was beautiful out. I decided to play guitar at the park near my house. I left my guitar case open, asking not for money but for feedback. I got two pieces of paper with feedback: 1) You're fat. 2) Get a life. FML
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On 05/30/2009 at 10:46am - misc - by peopleinthepark (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was getting my first tattoo done. My parents told me it was a bad idea. My friends' parents told me it was a bad idea. I told them that people get tattoos done all the time and nothing goes wrong. 50 min into the tattoo on my back, the artist says "Oh shit, shit, shit. We can fix this." FML
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On 05/28/2009 at 2:15pm - misc - by thats_not_good (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I did some math. Relaxing bubble bath soap:$17.00. Enough water to fill a bathtub: $10. Favorite tea: $4. Organic candle: $8. Looking out the window to see your 70+ year old male neighbor taking pictures of you lowering yourself into your bath: priceless. FML
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On 05/28/2009 at 11:00am - money - by BABYof_theGROUP (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I found some oversized-strawberry-spree candies in my pantry. They were delicious and I munched on them through out the day. I ended up in and out, but mostly in, the bathroom in the dead hours of the night experiencing the wonders and effectiveness of Fruit Flavored Fiber pills. FML
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On 05/28/2009 at 3:14am - health - by KKimrae_ness (woman) - United States (California)
