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KittyDimondXD's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML
by fuck you dad / 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm / Ireland (Monaghan) / Miscellaneous
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I woke up with a used condom on my face. Turns out my roommate had sex with his girlfriend during the night and instead of getting up and throwing it away, he decided to throw it across the room. FML
by Jake / 10/02/2012 at 7:52am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML
by RawrSparkle / 09/21/2012 at 3:31am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a few weeks of smuggling a baby caterpillar into work every day just to make sure it ate and stayed alive long enough to turn into a butterfly, it finally did. Before it could fly free, a bird turned it into a snack. FML
by goodbyefriend / 08/21/2012 at 12:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML
by justlittleoldme / 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
by BloodFaerie / 06/30/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I was having a debate with my friend over tattoos. I used the example that you wouldn't put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari. He looked me in the eye and said, "Yeah, but you're no Ferrari. More like a Prius." FML
by kitty shah / 06/17/2012 at 1:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/27/2012 at 3:42am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by picklet / 05/12/2012 at 10:36am / Malaysia (Negeri Sembilan) / Work
by Mouhahaa / 05/08/2012 at 11:48pm / France / Love
by laury / 05/08/2012 at 10:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by caitlinz5 / 04/18/2012 at 12:55pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
- Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to… Today, I put a sock on my dorm room door to get everyone to think I was getting laid. In truth, I'm… Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room,…